Sidemen Oneshots

Ksimon/Minishaw - The love that will never be

(JJ's P.OV)

For a long time, I've loved Simon. I will never show it or tell anyone on this planet that I have feelings for a guy ever, let alone Simon, my brother from another mother. First, it's wrong. I should view him as family. I mean we grew up together like one so to me, it feels as though he is family. So imagine if you gained a crush on your sibling. Incest is just wrong no matter what. That's why this is wrong for me.

Secondly, I'm not gay. Being gay is being sexually attracted to men and trust me, dicks, in general, is more likely to make my boner go limp rather than turn me on, even Simon's which I have seen. If I don't view him that way. Then why do I love him? I won't be able to confess to such wishy-washy feelings more feeling like it belongs to some lovestruck teenager who only just now discovered romance.

Thirdly, I'm in a relationship myself. I know I could just break up with her, but I genuinely care about her. I enjoy all the time we spend together and I also do love her. It's just that I also love Simon. And it hurts.

It hurts seeing someone you love every day, knowing that they can't be yours. I will do anything to make Simon happy and in peace, including not telling him my feelings. If he knew, he would feel guilty and maybe he might want to date me out of pity and curiosity. I mean he has never had a romantic partner in any way. I want him to find love, get married and live a happy life. He will always come before me. That why I will never confess. If I'm truly honest the later is practically my only reason.

That's how I thought before. But something changed. Not with me, but with Simon. Or maybe I was just clueless from the start. How can I call myself his friend when I don't even know what he's thinking. Plus the fact that he feels the need to hide this fact. So when he came into my room suddenly with dread written all over his face, I had no idea what he was going to say. So when he confessed that he was gay and in love with Harry out of all people, of course, it surprised me. But not only did it surprise me, but I also felt jealous. He was gay. There was a chance he loved me, yet I was outdone by Harry out of all people. And it also turned out, Harry is in a relationship. Simon just cried and cried on my shoulder, whilst I consulted him, telling him to not give up on love. 

But then I told him something I cannot believe I even said. It makes no sense why I would even say such a thing. I told him to confess his feelings to Harry. I don't even know what logic jump I made. It would probably hurt Simon more to confess realistically. Even Simon was just as surprised and confused with the advice I gave him. But, he needed that. I said the words which he wanted to hear the most. As a best friend, I do know what makes Simon tick and what can make Simon happy. That is something I pride myself over. Maybe that's why my instincts overrode my system to tell him that. Why am I trying to reason with the illogical? 

After that night, which ended with me cradling Simon to sleep before tucking him into his own bed. As much as I would love to snuggle up to Simon at night, I would only ever do it when he is conscious. that way he is able to tell me f he is alright with it, or if it's too wired, otherwise I'd just be using him. 

the Next day, Simon confessed.

Harry broke up with his girlfriend.

They started dating straight after.

And they came out to the rest of the guys about their relationship.

Apparently, the only reason why Harry was dating that girl was to distract him from his feelings for Simon, which he believed was unrequited. He reminds me of myself. Well, how I felt about Simon. 

Of course, I'm somewhat jealous. We both felt the same way, and death with it the same way too. But Simon chose him. And there's nothing wrong with that. The more I see them together, the more I think that they look cute and just perfect together. 

And it hurts.

But I knew, I've always known. 

My love for Simon was just never meant to be. 

A/N- Hey guys it's been a while huh. I just want to thank all of you guys for the insane amount of votes on the last chapter. That's the most amount of votes I have ever got in such a short space of time. Also, I can't believe this, but this book has well over 9k reads. Seriously, I can't thank you guys enough. Especially since I do not actually write very often and my writing sucks for the most part. I'll keep writing, but College has taken my life away from me.  But I love writing so I will continue. Once again thank you guys so much and I'll see you guys in the next chapter.