Every single pound in his chest, every heartbeat, Merlin felt it, everything he touched he felt it. Every particle of the earth gliding through his fingers, all at once. His heart pumping blood around his body, punching his chest as if it was dancing to imaginary music, he could feel it. His heart still jumping in him, a constant reminder of his own grim immortality that nobody else had. A constant reminder someone would always save him from death, a way to remember he was never in control of his life. Like his path was already made, already completed, like it happened all before. And he felt it.
But at the same time he was completely numb, everything he touched slipped by so quickly and he could feel nothing, the wind on his face was just another object in his way because he couldn't feel the way it brushed past his skin, he couldn't feel it at all. Suddenly everything on the world would just become different shapes that would get in his way and he was just walking constantly, feeling nothing but a static volt running down his spine.
He had no control over when, one day he'd wake up and feel a rush of everything all at once, his skin crawling with every sence to hit his body, the next he'd wake up to a lack of feeling, to nothing, to a black cloud over his head sending down lightning but he wouldn't feel it. Once in a while he'd experience both, a rush of everything would hit him and leave him with nothing.
Yet now, in this new strange shell he had been forced into, he could feel it, feel his heart if he put his hand to his chest, feel the wind if he opened the window, feel textures but never individual particles joined up to make objects. If he wanted to feel it, he could, and if he didn't want to feel it he didn't. For the first time since his arrival in Camelot, he was in control.
That didn't help the feeling of invasion. He felt invaded with Arthur in his room, in his bed, in his body. He felt invasive for being in Arthur's room, Arthur's bed, Arthur's body and suddenly he wasn't in control any longer.
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As Clear As Blood (A Merlin Fan Fiction)
FanfictionCOMPLETE 'It was icy, and the water pulled him under and soaked him in coldness so his body went numb, Merlin continued swimming down the lake until he realised he could no longer see, no longer feel, no longer hear. No longer breathe.' On a huntin...
