Wattpad 101: Your guide to the world of Wattpad

Grammar Nazis

If you're on the internet, you're familiar with the concept. The Grammar Nazi. You may hate them. You may love them. You may secretly be one. But everyone knows about those who set upon the internet with a desire to repair every grammar mistake they can find. Some of them will do it politely, if not condescending. Although how condescending they sound depends on your age/situation, but I think most people agree by the time you're over 15, being told to fix there, their, and they're in anything you write can't come off as anything more than antagonistic. And of course, there are the angry Nazis, those grammar enthusiasts who meet any mistakes with unbridled rage.

Wattpad also has an interesting relationship when it comes to Grammar Nazis. Since the goal of most people here is to refine and improve their writing, the occasional Grammar Nazi can be a welcomed friend, fixing up all the editing you failed to notice to refine your writing and make it just perfect. If by the end, your writing can pass the internet litmus paper that is Grammar Elitism, then you're probably good to go.

Now, in my chapter, "Write Whatever You Want" I point out something I think everybody needs to realize. There is no such thing as "correct" English. It's an illusion. It's made up and artificial. "Correct" English is as related to real English as BMI is to obesity and IQ tests to intelligence. That is to say, people use them as a measure, but they're not a very good one. They're obsolete, and some might even say unneeded.

Grammar is an artifact of the human need to categorize things, but in the end, grammar only exists as far as it's needed for proper communication. Academic English will build an Ivory tower, telling you what "true" writing is, how to write "correctly"... but in the end, all they are telling you to do is how to write like them. And when you write like everyone else, you offer nothing to the table. Nothing new. Nothing clever. Nothing innovative. Stagnant.

When you never evolve definitions towards how people use them because the dictionary definition is this, you contribute to that stagnancy. When you never accept something grammatically inaccurate simply because it doesn't fit your learned grammar, this contributes to the stifling of innovation.

It's alarming to me how little people understand just how fluid human language is. You won't write words speaking to a 4th grader like you'd write words speaking to a 12th grader. You won't write words to a scientist like you'd write words towards a blue-collar factory worker. Words constantly evolve, change, and must be manipulated to have the effects you want.

For some people, the words, as they are written, aren't even that interesting to read. And for all that your English professor prides himself over a grammatically satisfying story, that story was beaten out... by Twilight... by 50 Shades of Grey... by After... something unedited, written on a cellphone, and also more popular and more culturally impactful than any amount of "award-winning" stories.

So... go nuts? Write whatever you want? If you haven't realized by now, 90% of this book has been dedicated to telling you the averages, the norms, and the expectations. I'm not telling you to do whatever you want. I'm telling you to have a reason for doing what you do.

You don't have to follow the crowd, but you do have to know what's typically expected, how to do it, and ultimately why you're going outside the norm. However, as you work, it's the effect on your target audience... are they feeling the emotions, understanding the scenes, and coming away with the thoughts you wanted them to? That's your goal. Always your goal. You're communicating... and we've developed a whole organized system of linguistics to aid in your communication.

We teach every child the same system so that by the time they hit their teens, they should be able to understand the same things everyone else understands. Standardization... that is the goal of English (although you could have some fun debates on how piss poor and inefficient a language English is). Communication... that is your goal. You'll use the standard that is the English language to effectively communicate what you want to communicate.

However, I started this chapter talking about Grammar Nazis. How do those that obsess with grammar fall into my "write anything you want as long as you believe in your reasoning" rhetoric? Your immediate assumption might be that I don't see them favorably.

That assumption misses the key point here. You are writing to communicate to your target audience. The Grammar Nazi, love him or hate him, makes up a part of your audience. And while he's the one who feels the need to speak up, for every person who does talk, there might be another five who came to the same lines, felt the same annoyance, and then continued on without making a comment.

So, you wish to communicate your story to people, and love it or hate it, there are people who will quickly get annoyed when they see simple grammar problems. Their, there, and they're may be meaningless to you, but for whatever reason... it's like nails on a chalkboard for them. Therefore, you as a writer should work to fix these mistakes, especially if you want to communicate effectively. If... due to grammar mistakes, you alienate a large part of your potential audience, well... that's something to avoid, isn't it?

However, my sensibilities prevent me from writing a chapter on Grammar Nazis without at least addressing them a little too, for a friend. I'm doing this for a friend. Many Nazis will excuse their rage and behavior as "You learned this in like third grade, man, everyone should know this!" My response... why do you think people don't? Do you honestly think ANY writer on Wattpad hasn't heard they're, their, there? Are you just being willfully ignorant?

I mean, come on. This is a mistake that happens when someone writes a lot, and they simply don't see it. Yet some people are sent into a rage over Facebook posts and message boards written in under 15 seconds. Authors aren't sitting there editing their work and going over it over and over again. They aren't following my Editing 201 list every time they post something. Why do you assume people don't know, and why do you assume telling them is going to "fix" anything?

The part I really love is how Grammar Nazis will state that if the English is REALLY bad, they won't say anything because it's a hopeless cause. But if the person writes perfectly fine, and makes only one or two mistakes they'd be happy to add their two cents... in other words, they'll annoy people when most likely it was a typo or inattentiveness that caused the mistake, you know... when their word will have no effect on a person's writing and only serves to annoy someone.

Just so you know, think about how you feel when you see someone misspell a word. That agitation. That annoyance. They just as likely feel that way every time you feel the need to correct them. Although I'm sure some of you are saying "good!". Just desserts, I guess. Freaking Nazis... man.

Sorry, I'm done ranting.

No essay is going to magically stop people from being annoyed by grammar mistakes. And no essay is going to stop people from making grammar mistakes. You do you. As a writer, fix the mistakes that annoy people the most because you don't want people annoyed when they read your writing. As a reader, do whatever you want, man, no one can stop you. However, it'd be nice if, before correcting a simple spelling mistake, if you made the distinction about whether someone made a typo or genuinely lacks the understanding of a grammar rule. Basically, don't be a condescending douchebag.

I don't need you to correct my work for me like I didn't finish high school. I mean, Someone, who's not me, a friend, yeah, a friend... he doesn't need you to correct his work for him. I'm perfectly fine. It's a friend.