Whispers In The Dark

Anna

"I'm not a self-help book, I'm just a fucked up kid." -The Wonder Years, Local Man Ruins Everything.

Anna

My first thought when they told me that I was being committed to the psych ward was: I’d rather die.

Immediately, I felt awful. Reximus had lost his father and himself, and I was being given help.

“You’re going to have to spend at least ten days in treatment, more if your doctor thinks it’s necessary. You’ll see a therapist daily and you’ll be put into group therapy three times a week. We’ll need anything you have on you, and your shoelaces.” The nurse held her hand out expectantly.

“I don’t have anything with me,” I said.

The nurse raised her eyebrows. “Please don’t make me pat you down.”

“I swear. I was in the shower when I fell.”

The nurse still didn’t believe me. She spoke with the doctor for confirmation. At the doctor’s approval, she led me into the elevator and into my first day as a psych ward patient.

I didn’t like it. Therapy made me anxious, especially group therapy. I didn’t want to spill my life to them, but they didn’t give me much of a choice. If I opened up, I had a chance of getting out. If I didn’t open up, I would remain there until I did.

The worst part was when they made me eat; three meals a day, all highly supervised. The first day, they sat me down and wouldn’t let me do anything else until I finished a chicken sandwich and French fries. Later in the day, they made me eat a salad and pasta. I cried.

Jessiah called me as often as he could. I kept him updated. I still missed him, despite how much we spoke. I wanted to see him.

That’s why when my therapist told me that I was going to be discharged the next day, I smiled more than I had since before my dad died. I had gained five pounds, and was at one hundred and fifteen pounds when I left. It didn’t feel good to be gaining weight, honestly, but it was nice to not have to deal with hunger pains and dizzy spells.

Seeing Jessiah was one of the best things that could have happened. Riley, Victoria, and Robin were there, too. I deflated a bit when I noticed the incessant absence of Reximus, and realized that he could never be there when I walked out. I tried not to let it get to me.

I kept seeing a therapist, after that. Not the same one, but that couldn’t be helped. She had to be there for other patients.

I would probably never wholly enjoy eating, but it had become more bearable. Jessiah was always at my side, urging me on and telling me that I was worth it, one of the hardest things I have ever had to believe.

But we made it. 5/6 of, in Victoria’s words, The Gang, had made it.