The Jester | K.TH

Chapter 20 Pieces

I walked over to the dresser near the foot of the bed with a smile on my face. Ever since I had met him, regardless of how I was feeling, Jin always had a way of making me smile.  Truly smile. 

A line of picture frames with smiling faces and seemingly happy memories filled the top of the dresser. The smile on my face faded as I saw one picture in particular.  It was of us.  Just a simple selfie that we had taken the first day we met.  Something so simple reminded us of two very different things.  His was happiness, but for me, it brought on that gut wrenching pain that kept lingering in the back of my mind.  Tears welled up inside of my eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. 

I couldn't do this to him anymore.  Jin deserved better.  I loved him, and I wanted to be with him, but my soul belonged to Taehyung.  There was no fighting it.  Not anymore.  Not only was Taehyung in my present, he was also a part of my memories now.  The love and connection was too deep to break.  I wanted Jin, but I needed Taehyung. 

My heart was heavy and felt like it would break into two at any moment, but I finally knew what needed to do.  I had fought it for as long as I could.  I tried with everything in me to choose Jin. My mind, the part of me that contained everything that Ember was, wanted him. But that part that ran deep in my soul, the part that had Lilly's love for Taehyung, was deeper and stronger than any other force I had ever experienced. 

Despite everything I had been fighting, it was time, and I knew it. 

I searched for a paper and pen and began to write. 

~~~~~

As Jin and I sat at his small dining room table, eating the eggs and bacon he had prepared for us, I couldn't help but think about how I didn't want any of this to end.  I took in every moment, every detail of his face.  The way he smiled when he talked about his family, down to the way he tilted his head to the side when he is listened to me, as if I was saying the most profound words he had ever heard.  I etched every movement into my memory.  I didn't ever want to forget the reasons I fell in love with him.

Time passed quicker than I wish It would.  I wanted to live in that moment forever.  I couldn't bear the the thought of losing my best friend, but something inside me whispered that it would be ok.  Eventually, I would be ok. 

I picked up my empty plate and walked into the kitchen and put my dish in the sink. 

I could feel Jin enter the room behind me.  Things always seemed a bit brighter when he was there. 

He came up from behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and put his head next to mine.

"Thank you for coming into my life." He whispered in my ear as he delivered it a kiss.

I smiled a small smile and closed my eyes, afraid of the tears that I could feel forming.  I turned into him and buried my head deep into his chest and held him tighter than I thought I could.  His embrace once gave me so much comfort, but now it caused me pain.  He wasn't what I needed anymore, and it killed me inside.

I breathed in his smell for the last time. My heart began to pound and I felt like I couldn't get enough air to fill my lungs.  My mind started to scream and my hands began to tremble. 

"Jin, I..I.."

The tears started to escape and I couldn't hide them.

"What's wrong Ember? Talk to me, it's ok, I'm here for you."

I backed out of his embrace and wiped my flowing tears. 

"I'm so sorry." I said as I shook my head, tears still racing down my cheeks.