into soon 【epistolary #5】

053

Jewel
sent 10:10pm

Hi! Still remember the first time we met? I already forgot what happened that time but I only remember one thing, it was the day where I started to admire you. I just dont show you how much I adore you because I'm shy. Yes, I also feel shy tho I have huge confidence with myself. I admire you for being hardworking and passionate with the thing you love to do which is dancing. I want to tell you my biggest secret, I enrolled to your dance studio because I wanted to get close to you. That's one of the happiest moment I can write down on my diary because I saw how you smile to me while I dance even though dancing isnt really my forte but I also thank that I learned lot of things about dancing, because of it my professor complimented me about my dancing skills.

To be honest, I really want to call you just Kwon Soonyoung. Why? Because I dont see myself as your little sister but someone who you'll call as girlfriend. ㅎㅎ And also your reaction is so cute whenever you stop me dropping honorifics to you. I know it made you feel uncomfortable so even if I dont like it to call you 'oppa' I still did because I dont want you get pissed off of me.

The day I confessed to you, I was really nervous. I never get nervous on anything I do but believe me, it was the first time I felt that. I'm glad it turned out well though its not a happy ending confession. But I never regret it. Just like what you told me, atleast I let you know. I'm happy you didnt made me feel unwanted after that confession. Really. Because of it I became vocal to my feelings to the point that I almost shout it out loud to everyone that 'Hey I like Kwon Soonyoung'.

Soonyoung-ah, thank you for everything. For leading me to dance (not literally), for helping me develop this kind of feeling (romantically in love) which I havent felt in 18 years of my existence, for giving me butterflies in my stomach, for answering my video calls, text messages and hang out invitation, for being my inspiration, for being my friend and all! You helped me a lot.

I asked you a while ago if we can meet so I can tell you about this but the fate isnt on me so I'm just going to tell it to you here, I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm going back to the US. Its just sad that I bid goodbye to you thru text. And unfortunately you wont be able to see me perform for our musical like what you told me since I wont be graduating here. I will miss you. A lot.

See you when I see you again. Take care of yourself always neh? Dont tire yourself from too much choreographies. Eat healthy meals everyday. 😭😭😭 Kwon Soonyoung, 10:10 guy, Naega Hosh, Soonyoungie oppa~ Saranghae!

PS: You can stop me to my flight tomorrow. I wont mind it as long as its you ㅎㅎ
PPS: Arent you gonna try stopping me?