He who rescued me ( Jelsa )

2 The Guilt

To my dear reader and wp friend Magicalfrost who makes me laugh.

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POV Elsa

My fears got worse after what happened to that boy. Never have I been able to handle my power, my curse, properly. It does nothing but evil, hurts people. Not even then did I use it to save us, I was too weak for my emotions, my fears.

It has been almost two years since the boy went missing. Everyone looked his body for days but not finding him. I heard my parents talk about him, I wanted to know if he would have been alright. There wasn't much information about him, he had just moved to Arendelle from Burgess to work. He was 21 years old and now he was my hero. He is a hero that is gone because of me, because of my selfishness. Maybe I could have saved me and Anna by myself if I just knew how to control my feelings, maybe he would still be here in Arendelle and people would have got to know him.

I lean to window which immediately freezes. This happens when I feel unsecure, when I don't be careful. Anna is sleeping on her bed across the room. I giggle when hearing her snoring, it is always funny and she also drools while she sleeps. My eyes look at the night sky again and the frost starts to melt from window screens. "I need to keep it together. " I sigh and crawl back to my bed.

Now I try again to remember the boys face but it is getting blurry. My memory of him is already getting faint. My heart beats fast since I feel guilty. "Remember him.. it is all that you can give him as a thank you." I whisper to myself. But I can't remember, my memory of him is fading away slowly day by day. His name was James... Jayson.. no.. Jack? I hit my head with my hand, why can't I remember?

One thing I still remember clearly. It haunts me while I am awake, it comes to me in every dream I have. His deep laughter and how he told me to have some fun. His presence gave me a sudden feeling of calmness when he came to rescue me. He was a nice person and I am to blame that he is no longer here. I start to sit and hug my legs, my head rests on my knees.

A single tear makes its way from my cheek to my night gown and leaves a stain. Then I felt a gentle poke at my shoulder and a giggle that sounded like jingle bells ringing. After I lifted my head I saw Anna awake and smiling at me.

"Elsa! You are awake!" She took my hands in hers and her face came close to me. "Please, Elsa... Let's go play! I want to do a snow man." Again her expression was so sweet and innocent, full of joy and wonder. Her laughter made me laugh with it. "Okay, but not for long and just in the entry hall!" I smiled and we run downstairs.

We played in snow, the whole hall got filled with white fresh snow. Anna was running wildly and making snow angels. We did a snow man together, just after I wrapped a scarf around its neck Anna started to yell in excitement. "Look, Elsa!" She was standing on a huge snow pile.

She was about to jump. "No, Anna! You might get hurt!" I yelled but she jumped. "Elsa! You will catch me,right!" She giggled and I waved my hand to make a bigger snow pile appear and she landed on it. Just when I sighed from relief she jumped again and I quickly made another pile. She repeated and so did I but her speed got faster and I started to panic.

"No! Anna, I cant keep up!" I yelled in panic and then my whole world fell apart. I hit Anna with my powers and she fell to ground and wasn't moving. After I reached her I held her head, she was shivering and her hair turning white. "Mama, papa! Help!" I cried for my parents help and they quickly run into hall.

The trip to the trolls felt like ages. My mother held my unconscious little sister and I cried silently. My father's hand was resting on my head, trying to comfort me. Things that I remembered was that I should hide my powers since I can't control them, they could be beautiful or dangerous. Lump was forming to my throat.

To be safe they made my sister forgot my powers, my curse. She moved to another room since I requested it so I could practice to handle my powers of ice and snow. Father approved it. However it wasn't easy since my hate for myself keep on building up. Sudden bursts of cold came out from me time to time since my negative emotions took control more often. I scared myself but my father tried always to encourage me, he even gave me gloves which helped to conceal my powers.

Anna was the worst part in my isolation. I couldn't see my dear little sister and it felt like someone was squeezing my heart every time when she came behind my door. She wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with her but it wasn't safe. My presence is not safe for anyone, not my family or anyone else. Even that boy... I shook my head and try not to think more of the negative feelings since it makes everything worse. "Conceal, DON'T FEEL." I mumble and repeat it as a mantra. Mantra that I and my father made up, so bad things wouldn't dwell on my mind.

Books are my only friend. Slowly I took one book from my long bookshelf, a book that is trimmed with silver and is blue, there are silver snowflakes in the cover. "The Story of Winter." I start to read and watch some pictures. It tells how winter is created, a children's tale. My heart starts to beat when it tells about a single person who can create ice and snow, the Spirit of Winter.

It tells from a boy named Jack Frost. The book is old and my fingers run across the worn out cover. "I wish that you would be true."  I whisper and watch a pencil sketch drawn of a boy who shows his back. A prankster, joyful spirit is what it says about him. The only thing that really caught my eye is the fact that he could handle the power of winter, ice and snow. If he really would be true he might lift this curse from me.

The idea of the actual Winter Spirit helping me out gave me a smile but it slowly faded away. Quickly I stuff the book under my pillow and then bury my head on it as well. The bed is soft and warm. I turn around and stare at the ceiling. "Please... be real and hear my prayer, come and take this curse away..Jack Frost.." I whisper and cry myself to sleep.