So Far (Matty Healy)

Chapter Two

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I woke up soon after the sun went down. My head ached with the familiar sensation of coming down from a high. The chain of events that had occurred earlier flooded into my memory.

Shit, I thought. I didn't know what I was going to do. Dread crawled up my skin and seeped inside my lungs. My body began to shake and my breathing picked up. Panic was trying to take hold. Before now, I hadn't even thought about the consequences that would follow my actions. When I was in the state I had been in earlier, the only thing I could focus on was numbing my thoughts. My brain was evil. It tricked itself into doing awful things. I could end up on the street. How am I going to get money? Turn some fuckin' tricks? My mind spun round and round, faster and faster until a rumbling noise pulled it out of it's bubble of panic. Hunger took over my feelings, and that's when I realized that i was truly on my own.

I started walking toward the produce market down the street. I had a few dollars in my wallet, and I was desperate for some nourishment. I settled for a donut and a large bottle of water. I figured I could refill it later from a hose. I pondered my options. My friends' houses were out of the question, and I couldn't go home. I supposed I could have gone to the homeless shelter, but they would have probably sent me to a rehab center. I didn't need that kind of help. I didn't have a drug problem. I could quit taking them if I chose to. I controlled my own actions.

I walked quickly through the night. People were all around. Some were drunk, stumbling out of the club that bounced shitty techno music. Some were businesspeople who had left the office late and were heading home, probably to their stupid kids. I had bet that they prayed to their God that their children would never turn out like me. I disgusted myself.

I turned the corner without looking and stumbled into someone's arms.

"Watch it-" they began.

"Sorry," I mumbled, not meeting their eyes. Eye contact usually made me uncomfortable, unless I was using it to my advantage. If I stared into someone's eyes, I could generally get them to do what I wanted them to do.

"What's a pretty little thing like you doing out here at this time of night?" I looked up at the man. He was middle aged and looked like he was straight out of the 1970's. He even had the mustache and glasses to complete the look. Fucking creep, I thought.
"Um, I was just heading to meet my dad," I lied. "Oh, there he is!" I pointed vaguely toward a line of cars that were along the curb.

He looked me up and down, doubt seizing his expression. I wished that I had worn something other than a pair of shorts and a crop top- an outfit that screams 'I've never had a dad a day in my life and my mom's boyfriend beats me!'
'Be careful, Sweetie. You never know who could be lurking about around here," He warned with a wink.

I hurried to one of the cars and pretended to lean down to the window and talk to my fake dad. I waited a few seconds and decided to chance a look back toward the creepy guy. If he was gone, I was definitely going to book it to my next destination, unknown still at this point.
As soon as I turned my head, the window actually rolled down. I jumped as I heard the noise.