My life as MGKs wife.

Alone

Tonight while Colson is at the show im gonna be on the bus.... alone with the kids, I have no problem with it just being me and the kids but ive never actually been alone on a tour bus. Im really not looking forward to this. Colson finished getting ready and I walked over and gave him a kiss and then he walked over and gave the kids a kiss and told them he loved them.

"good luck babe, I love you" I spoke as he was walking out the door

" Thanks, I love you too" He replied leaving

I ordered pizza and fed the kids. The kids played for a little while and then they started getting cranky, so i put them in their cribs so they could go to sleep. I went back to the living room area of the bus and turned on the tv. The first thing i saw when it came on was TMZ and i saw the name Machine gun kelly go across the bottom of the screen before i changed the channel. It was live footage from the concert of him all over some girl. I tried to push it off as just a fan that he had pulled on stage but then he KISSED her and TMZ brought of a picture from his high school years of her and him hugging. I continued to watch because i froze and couldnt get myself to stop watching. WTF was going through his head....... What was goinjg through mine. We have two kids together, we never argue, we still get romantic, i dont monitor his every move, or have a "leash" on him. Why is he doing this i dont understand what ive done to make him do this. I started to tear up and didnt know what to do. I cut off the tv and just sat in silence. About the time i knew the concert was over i picked up my phone and texted him

" I hope you had a good time at the concert, I hope you had as much fun as your high school years :)"

Then i found a piece of paper and wrote on it

" The couch on this bus is pretty comfortable.... hopefully comfortable enough to sleep on, Unless you wanna go to 'Lindseys' house.!"

And i taped that to the bedroom door before I closed and locked it. I heard the bus door open and heard him walk up to the door, it was still dark so i knew he hadnt seen the sign yet. I saw the light come on and all I heard was "fuck"

" Babe let me in."He spoke soflty but i ignored it. "damnit babe!" he said hitting the door. " What are you gonna do stay in there forever? I just performed on stage for two hours and i want to sleep in my bed now get up and unlock the door!" He yelled and then i heard crying. I got up out of bed and unlocked and opened the door " See what you did. Go in there but dont expect me in there tonight or maybe ever." I replied going to settle the kids.

Once the kids were back to sleep i went and laid on the couch, tears welling up in my eyes again, trying to figure out what went wrong.Eventually i had cried myself to sleep and woke up at about 4:00 the next morning and went in and quietly got my running shoes and work out clothing. I decided id go run the board walk when i got back to the bus it was 6:30. I got inside just in time to go and see my beautiful kids awake smiling and playing in their cribs. I took them to the park to play we were there for quite a while. I had a lot of thinking to do, i dont even know what to say to him. Im in love with him and i fall more and more in love with him everyday, even today when i walked into the babies room and looked at abel. He looks just like his father. At about 8 i decided we should probably go back to the bus. Before we got back my phone started ringing, I looked at it and it was a call from " the love of my life"

" Hello" I spoke holding back tears

"Where are you? You cant just take my kids like that" He spoke angrily

" I took them to the park this morning we are walking back to the bus right now" I spoke and a calm and collected tone. Even though i wanted to yell at him because he actually thought i would just take his kids.

We got back to the bus and i took the kids out of the stroller and walked them inside and sat them down on the floor by Colson and then i turned around and walked out the door not even meeting eyes with him. I walked out the door and sat on the front steps of the bus, I just started crying, there was no stopping it. It was like he didnt even care about me when he called. It was like he wanted to hurt me, like he didnt love me anymore. What i didnt understand was why. I finally walked in wiping the tears from my eyes and went straight to the bedroom to take a shower and change clothes. We were scheduled to leave soon so i wanted to get it done before we left. I got out and put a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie on. How was i gonna sit in this small space with him. I want to talk to him so badly but i refuse to. I love him. I decided to go out there, I couldnt just lock myself in the room all day. I walked out and locked eyes with him not saying a word, He just stared at me and then put his head in the palm of his hands.

" Im sorry" I heard him faintly say, But i acted like i didnt because i want to hear it loud and clear." Im sorry" He repeated louder this time.

" For what?" i replied

" For kissing lindsey" He said

I just stared at him. " I cant forgive you right now. I mean, I love you so much and you just broke my heart into tiny pieces, I tried to just brush it off as oh its a fan on stage hes just having fun and then you kissed her. I wasnt even trying to see the concert i just turned on the tv and there it was." i replied with tears running down my face

" I love you too, What i did was dumb and mean" He replied apologetically

" I dont know what to do." I replied

" We will work through it" He spoke

" I dont know, I think Abel , Morgan and I need to just go home for a little while and maybe come back on a later tour date or maybe not at all, I really just dont know." I said almost balling now

" If thats what you really want, Then i will get you plane tickets and yall can go home. Just know that i love you guys more than anything in my life and ive been in love with you since i met you. You are my everything, my muse, my life, I wouldnt be here to day if it wasnt for you." He replied looking me in the eyes

" I love you colson." i replied going to the room to pack my things.

" I love you too Emma Baker" He replied in the same tone he did the day we got married. I could tell he was holding back tears