:::: One Part FANDOM RETROSPECTIVE, One Part ANALYSIS ::::
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is a play that premiered in London, 2016. It was met with praise by theatergoers and disdain, even hatred, by those who read the script. Today, there is a...
Welcome back to the Unexplainable and Abnormal portion of our group discussion on the truly un-transformative garbage heap we call HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD!
(Mike. Hey, Mike. Tell us how you really feel, man.)
Let's finish out the lingering Delphi-related conflicts before moving on.
A Cheap Reproduction
Most of you will recall how the Chamber of Secrets was guarded by a single, particular security measure: the entrant must have a linguistic proficiency in Parseltongue, the magical language of snakes. This trait is incredibly rare, making it a reassuringly foolproof way for a witch or wizard to protect something of great value.
Voldemort was able to speak Parseltongue, as it was passed down to him from his ancestors. This means that Harry Potter was able to speak Parseltongue due to the portion of Voldemort's soul that was trapped as a Horcrux in Harry - a trait that was destroyed with that Horcrux in Deathly Hallows - a fact that has... somehow... been... forgotten... by JKR...
*eyes begin to bulge*
Yes, I will come back around to this canon-squandering topic.
Parseltongue pops up here and there during the play, like when production wants to "set the mood" with the audience during Harry's dream sequences. I can handle this. It's a dream, and I understand the desire to toy with your audience. What I fail to understand is the cheap rehashing of Chamber of Secrets when the old crew heads out to visit Delphi's room at St. Oswald's Home for Old Witches and Wizards.
HARRY, HERMIONE, RON, DRACO, and GINNY look around a simple oak-paneled room.
HARRY: It must have been a Confundus Charm she used on him. Used on them all. She faked being a nurse, she faked being his niece.
HERMIONE: I've just checked in with the Ministry - but there's no record of her. She's a shadow.
DRACO: Specialis Revelio!
Everyone turns to look at DRACO.
Well, it was worth a try, what are you waiting for? We know nothing, so we just have to hope this room reveals something.
HERMIONE: Maybe we should all stop for a moment and have a think about what -
GINNY unscrews a chimney from an oil lamp. There's a breathing-out noise. And then hissing words. They all turn towards it.
That's right. Parseltongue. First, it says "Welcome, Augurey" like the magical greeting from a Windows PC that should've been retired in the 1990s. Although he's confused, Harry tells it to open. And then the room transforms all around them, but just to become darker. You know, so we can see the frightening fluorescent paint on the walls!
This is so bizarre, it's actually hilarious. Did they really think it was necessary to do a throwback to the Chamber of Secrets? Welcome to the "Greatest Hits" album, folks. Just sit back and enjoy. Definitely don't think too hard... especially about the fact that Delphi only just inserted herself into Amos Diggory's life when she realized that Harry found a Time-Turner a few weeks ago... and already has a counterfeit Chamber of Secrets at St. Oswald's... for the sole purpose of dimming the lights and displaying prophetical art... to no one but herself!
Delphi's Grand Plan
While this scene is going on, Delphi is revealing herself to Albus and Scorpius. She breaks their wands and forces them to travel back in time with her to humiliate Cedric during the final task of the Triwizard Tournament. She is doing this in order to bring about the alternate timeline, wherein Harry dies and Voldemort, her father, lives on. Up until this point, Delphi was just sending the boys back without really understanding how "sparing" Cedric would fulfill her prophecy. Which absolutely makes so much sense. #DontThinkTooHard
But after hearing what Scorpius had experienced in the darker universe, she decides to replicate what they'd done during the second task by focusing on humiliating Cedric. I mean, how can Delphi "return to pure and strong magic", "resurrect Hell", and "rebirth the Dark" otherwise? The problem is, they're resisting...
ALBUS: We won't stop him - whatever you force us to do - we know he needs to win the tournament with my dad.
DELPHI: I don't just want you to stop him. I want you to humiliate him. He needs to fly out of that maze naked on a broomstick made of purple feather dusters.
That's oddly specific. But, hang on just a quick sec... I need some clarification here, Jo. Delphi is expecting them to use magic to humiliate Cedric. Oh-kay. But how exactly are they going to do that??? You know, since you just had Delphi break their wands???
*silence*
*like way a lot of silence*
Oh, didn't consider this, did you? Whoopsies. Maybe we should have worried less about keeping the secrets, and more about keeping consistency. My suggestion: find critical voices to read your work instead of sycophants who CANNOT WAIT to tell you how great you are and how blessed the world is for your talents. Although you may not want to hear that critical voice, they will very likely find those pesky mistakes you overlooked. Heck, they might even save you from seriously embarrassing yourself!
*quickly rereads post*
*expects fan to message me privately in order to point out grammatical errors after most of you already saw them and my credibility suffers*
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