Not My Canon!

Update: Thorne Wars

The Force Is Not Too Strong With This One

Barely a month after Jack Thorne was tapped to rewrite Star Wars IX, the scribe of HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD has been excised from the film. Questions are raging, especially from the Potterhead Jedi. Some have speculated that Disney didn't realize that Thorne was "semi-controversial" at the time, because of his "fanfiction-esque" take on the wizarding world. Others claim that there was no room for Thorne's script once director Colin Trevorrow of Jurassic World parted ways with Lucasfilm over "creative differences". Which was the same explanation for why directing team Phil Lord and Chris Miller of the Jumpstreet movies were canned weeks before wrapping up the shoot for the Han Solo stand-alone and replaced with the more trusted direction of Ron Howard.

In a similar move, Colin Trevorrow has been substituted by none other than J.J. Abrams. This is seen as a risk-averse and very wise business decision, as he will likely put the overall success of the film before his personal directing tastes. J.J. Abrams will be taking over the writing duties from Thorne, scrapping his script entirely. With him, J.J. brings Chris Terrio, screenwriter for such films as Justice League and Argo, for which he won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay.

And although we're having a short pause in the analysis of the play to detail the present writing woes of Jack Thorne, I find it apropos that this is all happening while we discuss his dreadful take on our franchise. Because it's obvious that Thorne and Trevorrow were steering the final installment of the Skywalker films in the wrong direction, and Lucasfilm was once again willing to risk a storm of bad press in order to right the ship.

How I wish there'd been someone behind the scenes in the Harry Potter franchise with guts enough to say, "No. I don't care how bad it makes us look. We are not putting something out there that goes against everything we've established." I would've much rather they had someone like J.J. Abrams, who told a new story while keeping to established canon and characterization. Who gave the fans something that FELT like a Star Wars movie.

I sort of feel bad for Trevorrow. Before Jack Thorne was involved with his movie, he had headlines like this:

Here's the same news outlet about a month later (post-Thorne):

Dramatization

A small part of me enjoys picturing the first meeting between Jack Thorne and Kathleen Kennedy (President of Lucasfilm), where he introduces the final screenplay and she stops him mid-read to express her concerns.

Kennedy: Sorry, what does this mean "Luke's mom shows up and everyone goes whoa, no way"...? She died in the prequels.

Thorne (laughing awkwardly): She did? I must've missed that. Well... that throws a wrench in things, doesn't it?

Jack Thorne produces a red pen and scribbles out the pages in front of him.

Kennedy: Luke has a purple lightsaber?

Thorne (smiling): Oh. I thought it would be kind of cool. Y'know, mix things up. I saw that Mace Windu character had one in -

Kennedy: Mmm...no... And, honestly, since when can a force ghost fly the Millenium Falcon?

Thorne: I was thinking, maybe -

Kennedy: Wait. Jar Jar Binks is back? And why is Chewbacca speaking English?!

Thorne: . . .

Kennedy turns to Assistant.

Kennedy (softly): Where the hell did they find this guy?

Assistant: Harry Potter. From that play last summer. It won lots of awards and is coming to Broadway in the spring. He worked closely with J.K. Rowling. She gave her full approval of the script. So, that should mean something. It's making money hand over fist.

Kennedy (to Assistant): And... what do the fans think of his play?

Assistant: Uh. Give me a moment. I'll check.

Assistant exits. Minutes later, he re-enters the room with sweat on his brow and bends to whisper in her ear. Kathleen Kennedy stands abruptly, wide-eyed and blinking rapidly.

Kennedy (distantly): We'll be going in a different direction, thanks.

Thorne: But -

Assistant (to Thorne, slowly): Heeeyyy buddyyy... We're gonna need you to turn in your uniform, okay?

Thorne: But I -

Assistant (to Thorne): Oh-kay...