Welcome to wonderland

Alice

I screamed and yelled at the top of my dying lungs for peace. A moment of ethereal calmness.

I needed help. I looked down at my white t shirt stained with blood, sticky and warm. Metallic sent spreads through the night, the cold wind slapping against my tattered clothes.

It all hurt so much. I collapse on the rough cement on the dirty, empty road skimming my knees. I was at the point where I couldn't bring myself to stand up. My muscles had just given up on me.

Maybe it was the mental penalty holding me back. But it didn't matter because I was going to die.

It's fine though.

I promise

I can't even feel it anymore.

The pain was gone and I just shut my eyes enveloping myself into the darkness reaching out for me. I open then. Then I close again. This time a memory plays in my head, like a movie. I'm a little girl playing soccer in the backyard with my cousins, my parents lounging on the porch sipping fancy lemonade and talking about their day.

Then I go to kick to ball but I miss and fall flat on the ground twisting my ankle. I scream out in pain. My cousins panicking try to get me to stand up, my parents not noticing until my auntie calls out their names.

They look at each other and Quickly standing up running down the stairs steps and then they appear at my side. My dad picks me up and drives me to the hospital. I had to get a cast and that hospital room was so cold, I was scared for that was the first time I had to visit the hospital injured. My mom held my hand the whole entire time.

That was the first time I had to visit the hospital. One of many.

"Mommy I'm scared"

"It's ok Alice, you'll be fine, I promise you."

After that incident I tried my hardest to not get hurt again, removing myself from any 'dangerous' situations,

"Alice! Let's go to the church garden, we can play in the maze!"

"No, I can't," My younger self says in a melancholy tone.

But curious, adventurous little Alice couldn't keep the promises she made to herself. Soon after I turned 12 I became my old self not getting held up on the stupid twisted ankle incident.

Back then pain was foreign to me. Now I yearned for it.

A psychotic mindset oh I know. It that's what the therapists would tell me at every kind consultation after my father killed himself.

"So tell me Alice, why did you do it?"

"What?"

"Alice, why did you burn your hand on the candle"

"I wanted to understand."

"Understand what?"

"Why people hurt themselves, intentionally."

"Did you get your answer."

"Yes."

"What's your answer Alice."

"Control."

_______

Panting I jolt up from my sleep looking around in my surroundings. I look to my right, Archie is asleep beside me. I look to my left, a empty bag of cocain and a thin un-inhaled strip of power beside it.

I spot Archie stirring from the corner of my vision . "Fuck" I say wiping the cold sweat off my forehead and rubbing my temples harshly.

Archie peeks through his halfway open he chuckles in sick amusement.

"Bad trip?"

Yes it's short cos it's just a quick introduction of Alice, the next few chapters will also short just thought I should let you know