Rebels au

Gone with the wind

A/n: y'all this is for my buddy caw chan on insta/ tumblr 😩 ily bro.
Also- everything after the "maaan, c'mon Thomas..." is completely made up by me. This fanfic is based off cawie's comics. I do not know what happens after the end of her most recent comic- I just made it up because angst is heckin fun.

"You're unbelievable." Thomas scoffed, as he watched his boyfriend perch upon the kitchen counter and pout as he wiped away the coffee 'moustache' around his mouth. Thomas sighed and padded over until he was standing next to Alexander, fidgeting nervously. This wasn't going to work. He knew it.

"If your insatiable cravings for coffee have been somewhat satisfied," he scoffed, folding his arms. ".. can we talk?" Alexander simply chuckled and set his coffee down next to him, swinging his legs slightly.
"Ugh... this is gonna be one of those 'uncomfortable' talks, isn't it?" He hummed, not quite looking at Thomas. The latter chewed his lip, already feeling discouraged.
"Depends entirely on you..." he muttered, already wanting to just give up and let Alexander trample all over his heart as usual. He took a deep breath, reaching over to try grab his beloved boyfriend's hand, but Alexander yanked his hand away from Thomas's, opting to drink some more coffee instead. Thomas already felt like he was going to cry. He had held in these emotions for so long, just bottling them up and letting Alexander do what he wanted to hope it would make him happy, but now he'd had enough. He couldn't stand it any longer. He couldn't, no matter how hard he'd tried, force away those terrible thoughts that creep into your conscience like unforgiving, icy fingers that pull at your heartstrings until you've had enough, that whispered to him that Alexander didn't really love him and-
Thomas cut his thoughts off and opened his mouth to speak.
"I love you." He began thickly, voice cracking, a whisper so soft he had barely heard it himself. He tried again. "I really love you and sometimes.. I hate myself for that." He murmured softly, looking up to meet Alexander's expectant eyes. "I'm not sure what's going on in that feisty head of yours, a-and that's driving me insane."
Alexander's expression softened and he reached out to cup Thomas's jaw, smiling fondly at him. Thomas sighed and wanted to close his eyes, to melt into this awe-strikingly beautiful boy's touch and just stay like that forever, wanted to pretend everything was fine and they were both happy, it was perfect, everything was perfect, Alex is perfect-
"Pff, come on! I love you too, I really do! I know I suck at showing it-" which earned a light scoff from Thomas "-but if you really don't feel happy I'd try anything to-"
Thomas cut him off, gazing coldly at Alexander.
"Then lets stop this shit." He pleaded heavily. "I want a real relationship, Alex! The-the thought of you having se- having sex with other people... kills me." He confessed, refusing to tear up over something so stupid, refusing to show that he was weak and so malleable under Alexander's hand, but his voice betrayed him and wavered slightly. Taking a deep breath and clearing his throat, Thomas continued. "You should only-"
"-Hey." Alex murmured softly, pulling Thomas closer to him until their lips brushed ever so slightly and Thomas itched to steal a kiss from them, soft and deliciously tempting. His cheeks dusted with a light red tint, and it still amazed him how even after a year, Alex could still make Thomas blush. "The only person I sometimes sleep with is John, and you know he's my best friend so it's fine! I have no feelings for him." He reassured, leaning their foreheads together. Thomas frowned, not really feeling much better. Alexander and John lived with each other, right? That would make it effortlessly easy for them to.. do the deed... and Thomas wouldn't be any of the wiser. The only way he could be sure of that was if he asked Alexander to move in with him, and while Thomas absolutely adored the idea of them waking up every morning like this, Alex with his hair down and smelling of coffee and sex (I mean,, that is what they had, last night ;);));););));;))) ) and looking downright ethereal with the sun bathing the room in soft golds and oranges. But wouldn't that be moving too quickly? They'd only been together for a year, after all. Plus, he wasn't entirely sure Alexander would like that, given their current... situation.
Thomas sighed heavily. He supposed there was an alternative route he could take to sort out this whole matter, but it wasn't as wonderful or glamorous as having Alexander actually move in with him.
"So... can I talk to him?" He murmured softly against Alexander's lips, bringing a hand up to rest on his boyfriend's cheek. Alex immediately frowned.
"Wh- why do you wanna talk to him?!?" He mused, drawing away from Thomas a little to show how damn confused he was.
Thomas glanced away guiltily, having ruined the nice little moment they had going on.
"I'm not sure if I can trust you..." he muttered unhappily, upset that it had to come to this. He just wanted a nice, loving relationship with Alexander, not one where he had to feel like he was constantly on edge, battling other people for this beautiful man's heart. Something panged in his already slightly broken heart when he realised Alexander may not even ever be truly his, just a phantom who could be there one second and gone the next. That Alexander was no more his than the breeze that swept through the city on a hot summer day, and much like the breeze, there was nothing Thomas could do to make him stay. Yes, thomas realised, Alexander was very much like a cool breeze on a hot summers day. He took away the worst of the heat, made Thomas feel better, more refreshed. But Alexander was so much more than a mere gust of wind, he later realised. He was also a hurricane, a twisting, monstrous thing that Thomas could only watch in a dazed, terrified awe as Alexander Hamilton, the hurricane, destroyed everything in his path, claiming Thomas as one of the victims. But the worst part was, Thomas let him. He let this charming, malicious man break his heart over and over again because he knew if Alexander wasn't in his life, all would go to fucking shit because not only was Alexander the wind, he was also Thomas's oxygen and the mere thought of Alexander leaving him for someone else made his eyes water with tears of a desperate man, and made his chest constrict with fear. He needed Alexander, whether he liked it or not, and at least he was lucky enough to be his boyfriend. Thomas supposed he should take pride in that- he was the only one to properly woo Alexander fucking Hamilton into dating him, but still, he needed more. Thomas wished more than ever, wished until his head hurt and he resorted to tears of defeat, that Alexander needed him and only him, and he hoped he didn't sound selfish but he was tired of this. He wanted all of Alexander, he wanted his full time and commitment and love and attention, but maybe that was just wishful thinking. Maybe he was doomed to forever feel like he was fucking dying every time Alexander bid him goodbye to go home, because it was a cruel reminder of what he didn't have. A terrible thought struck him then. What if- what if Alexander never actually loved him in the first place? What if he was just dating him out of pity? Honestly, that would make sense. Alexander was spending a lot less time around Thomas, now-- granted, Thomas had avoided Alexander for a good two weeks until now, but still- Alexander could've fallen out of love with Thomas, and just been kind enough to stay.