Then I thought that if I was this allured by him over skype, what would I do when I saw him again? I mean I knew what I wanted to do, but would I actually do it?
I realised that I was thinking stupidly, I didn't want to risk losing his friendship. I asked Zoe to put us into separate houses, to put a little distance between us at night, and to restrict the risks of me doing anything I could possibly regret."
Another few gulps of booze.
"But my feelings are growing stronger. Every time that I see him I get this overpowering urge to hold his face in my hands and kiss him like he's never been kissed before...or worse.
Obviously I hide everything, he doesn't suspect any of this. I can't let him know. What if he doesn't feel the same? What if I tell him and he rejects me, and we lose our friendship? I couldn't handle that. And besides, he's 18, I'm 25, what will his parents think? What will the rest of the YouTube community think?"
Tears were making their way down my face, hanging off my chin.
"So I've been trying to deny my feelings, to bury them deep within myself and lock them away. But I can't do it damn it. I can hide for a little while, but as soon as I see him my defense just melts away. It takes all of my self control to act like me around him.
I'm scared that one of these I'll crack and give in to desire. And I just don't know what to do."
I downed a fair share of the bottle.
My body was shaking, racked by silent sobs. Connor gave me a small, comforting hug.
"If you want my advice, I'd tell you to follow your heart, perhaps not too directly at first, but maybe drop subtle hints or joke about it, see how he reacts. You never know, he could be feeling the same way.
And if you guys do get together, know that you'll have all of our support. And you are fully aware that 99% of the YouTube community ships Troyler, I mean have you not been on tumblr?! The age difference shouldn't matter, you're both legal adults and are responsible for your own choices."
I sniffled and looked up,
"And what if he rejects me? What then? "
" Well then you might be facing some slight awkwardness for a while, but knowing you two it won't last long. I don't think your friendship is at risk, you mean so much to eachother, even without a romantic point, and neither of you would quit being friends just because of this."
"...You think so?"
" I really do."
I looked away, and stared and my arms, which were wrapped around my knees. Maybe he's right, maybe I should take a chance.
A soft buzzing interrupted my one-sided staring contest. Connor spoke up,
"Alfie texted, they've gone for breakfast and told us where to go if we wanna join them. "
"We probably should go"
" Yeah"
Connor lifted himself off the ground and was dusting off his pants. I was trying to get up but seemed to have some difficulty, it was as though my legs had turned into jelly.
Connor glanced over,
"Need some help? "
I nodded, embarrassed.
He pulled me off the ground and the world started spinning, I stumbled over my own two feet and lost my balance, luckily Connor kept me standing.
"I think you've had a little too much alcohol there buddy, especially for an empty stomach. "
I was mentally facepalming at my stupidity, but that was about as much as I could do cause my thoughts were starting to fog up, my sight blurring.
Connor helped me walk across the beach, towards our destination, which luckily wasn't far. I braced myself for the crew's reactions.
~Back to the present~
Troye and Zoe jumped out of their seats and quickly came over to me. Questions showered me, drowning me.
"Where were you?"
"What happened? "
"Are you okay? "
" Are you hurt?"
" What were you thinking? "
"Why did you drink so much?"
etc etc..
Hands were on my shoulders, and the questions stopped. I looked up to meet a ocean blue gaze, filled with pure concern, and slight curiosity.
"Are you okay, Tilly?"
My heart sped up a bit at his nickname for me, the alcohol had taken its effect in more ways than one. I gulped, and managed a nod.
"You need to lie down, come on let's take you home. "
He was already putting his arm around me, and I didn't trust myself in this state. I barely held my ground sober, what would I do drunk?!
Connor seemed to have the same idea,
"ah that's ok Troye, I'll take him"
"No it's ok I'll do it, you should have some breakfast, you haven't eaten anything yet. "
" No really-"
" I'm taking him home Connor. "
And with that he pulled my arm away from Connor and around his shoulders, while sliding his other arm around my waist for support, and walked me away.
I glanced back at Connor, who looked at me helplessly, while the others were stunned, watching the scene unfold.
Whatever happens next is going to be interesting.
A/N
Hey there peoples! What did you think huh? ;) I'm sorry for the wait but I'm currently doing entrance exams and got caught up.
I hope you like the chapter! Comment/Vote/share if you liked it :)
-C
chapter 8
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