FEELINGS IN MADNESS...a Journey In Song

IDENTITY: the ever changing definition

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The semi-colon of you

When thinking about an identity it encompasses many things. It is what gives others a starting point they can use to base their thoughts about us on. Ones identity can be thought of as a metaphor for how others will perceive us. It will usually begin in a rather black or white way but end falling in a rather grey "I haven't decided yet" way and will change on an almost daily basis. You should not confuse this with personality. It is however, loosely based on how we seeourselves and wish others to define us.

What we would like our identity to tell others is based around a point of reference that we ourselves cannot fully define. We hope that in the way that we have gone about planning and designing our identity will give others that starting point of reference we have hoped to achieve; A definition of who it is we are. We think of it in ways that we hope will best suit our personalities while others think of it in terms of does or does not it fit. This is the grey area that most subconsciously are striving for. This grey area is called acceptance.

Our real quest for that perfect identity starts around the age of 8 when we realize self. That age when we realize that we cannot fly or that we are a magical creature from another place. It is at this point in ones life that they start to really be concerned how others see them and what

can they do to improve upon that. Most of us will never find that area of contentment called a perfect ,all fitting identity. The reason for this being ourselves. We, after all, are our own worst critic and will always find fault in ourselves. That’s not to say that others do or will. It is usually our own inner voices that are the loudest telling us what we think others think. And as everyone knows, nobody can read minds.

So the quest for that perfect fitting outfit called ones identity begins. You are the tailor, master craftsman, painter of your own picture, designing the perfect you. My belief is that at first this is not a hard task for you. You do not place much thought into it as you try out every plausible and improbable "outfit" that you can think of. As you grow older and you become more concerned with how others will perceive you and place you into that grey area of acceptance, this is when the inner critic becomes the loudest. And choosing that identity that you find will fit you best becomes the hardest.

As you age you find that your identity changes. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. You take off some things because they didn’t fit and add others to fit. The good thing is that you have already the main makeup of that identity. It is your personality and that is something that God in his infinite wisdom has given you pre-packaged from birth. It is kind of the same as instinct but only as much as it is a foundation that can be added to and taken away from yet cannot be changed. A persons personality at birth is the foundation that we must build our identity on.

Identity is that thing that others will best know us from. When they are speaking to another about us, our identity is the adjectives they use to define us. It is for this reason that we give so

much importance into finding that perfect fitting identity that we can wear draped around our personality like a fine suit. One that we will change almost as often as we change our minds. There are many things that will help us along our quest for that perfect identity while at the same time there are many things that challenge our perception of what will undoubtedly define how we see ourselves.

It is the way we see ourselves that becomes the greatest challenge to our identity. Ones identity can be hampered by many things. Things like abuse, lowered expectations, bullying, depression, mental illness and more.When we cannot find ourselves in our own day to day lives we cannot expect others will be able to also. They only see a shadowed form of who we are and identify with. When ones life is in turmoil they cannot form any solid picture of themselves. It is for this reason that they are unable to find a perfect fitting identity. Only one that covers them in a haphazard, loosely fitting way. This is not to say that in time this cannot be fixed. An identity can completely be removed and the true self with a clear distinction of who we are can be achieved.

Lucky for us identity can be reshaped and molded over and over. It is not a permanent fixture like, for the most part, our personality is. Finding ones identity, being able to clearly see and define ourselves, is one of the most important aspects of our lives. If we do not know who we are, how can we expect others too? How we see ourselves and how we perceive others will, make up the majority of how we will define our identity. Identity defines to ourselves and others who we are. For some of us we hide and do not wish others to see the true us. As one student showed in the ted talk they presented to the class "the mask we wear" many of us

wear a mask because we do not want others to see us in any other way then the norm. The mask.

Still as another student showed with their Ted talk "my identity has a name..." Depression can be a seriously hard thing to overcome and it has a way of distorting any clear way of seeing ourselves. So, our identity is seen thru a carnival fun house mirror, distorted and misshaped. It is this view that we ourselves present to others. Then there is medical issues such as cancer or some other life threatening illness that can shape our perception and our identity. This could clearly be shown in the Ted talk that was presented in class. Fittingly enough, it was the last one shown. This Ted Talk was about a car enthusiast who had cancer. His identity was strengthened by this ordeal. Yes, ones identity can not only be damaged by things that will challenge us, it can also be strengthened and help us to better define our identity.

Our identity is how we define ourselves. As in the case of Trisha, she knew who she was and it wasn’t the physical male. I personally can identify with this only as much as I have a very, very strong feminine side. Well, she has a name and its Adalaine Marie. To be honest it is called MPD. Adalaine is the main personality. I, Brian, am the inner one that does all the writing. Maybe in a far away place it was me that was supposed to be the main identity, not her, yet things just never worked out that way. So this topic of identity I can truly relate to. I know its full importance. Trisha I am sure, in the same way that we perceive ourselves, she struggled with the question "should I present myself as I see myself and am happiest most with, or do I conform and make every one else happy by being who I am not?"

A persons identity can and will be shaped over time. It lets everyone know who you are. Identity is a very personal thing. It helps us define that semi-colon and tells everyone else how we wish that semi-colon to be. It gives definition to the question of who we are. The next time you want to struggle over the question of who you are and how best to fit that identity suit, maybe you should first decide that you are happiest with you and your personality. When you decidethat you are happy with yourself then and only then really try to put the last touches to that identity suit. Because only when you are happy with yourself will that identity ever fit right.

Adalaine Marie Robinson