Steps onto the stage and looks down at my audience..my reflection and my shadow. Looking at my shadow I wonder if it felt as I normally did when young. I mean now I never even think about my shadow. I never notice it. Just like my parents never noticed me. I looked down on my reflection still all slumped over with my shadow next to it barely visible yet so black ,featureless and empty. I walk back to the podium and start my speech. When I was a little girl and I was in the hospital so much I used to play hide and seek with my reflection and my shadow. They looked so different then. They were funny and had life. Then I got my first sponge-bath..My shadow hid and my reflection did also. I got lots of sponge baths by the same male orderly. He would tell me he had to make sure i had no germs down there so he cleaned extra good. My reflection stopped smiling then and my shadow barely ever was seen anymore.
Then I got better and didn't have to be in the hospital much anymore. I went to school and I hated that. My teacher started playing games like hide and seek like I would play with my shadow. He told me I was his favorite student. He used to have me stay after class and clean chalkboards for him..Dad said he could. I was his favorite student. He made me a woman in 3rd grade. I was his wife. My dad said it was ok. He was our neighbor.. I think my shadow ran away because i never saw her anymore. Until Just a little while ago. My shadow came back..You know what she looked better then I ever remember her. She had life in her. She didn't look all featureless and unrecognizable. Looking down at my reflection I kinda thought I saw a smile on it..
When I was growing up I felt like a shadow. Like something that wasn't ever thought about or seen. Something that you know is there but your not even sure of what its purpose it. That was then...today is a very different day. Me and my reflection are friends now. Im getting to know her better then I ever thought possible. My shadow follows me around like a puppy..It makes me smile whenever I see my shadow now, because i know my shadow and reflection will never leave me..and you know what..I don't want them to ever go. I now know what bad is..Im just starting to see that there actually is good..I want that good. Im older now and my dad is out of my life, my stepdad is dead, he died in prison. I lived long enough to see him die where i put him. I play with my shadow again and my reflection is happy. What could be better? My past is now long ago and doesn't matter to me anymore. Im strong once again and nobody tells me that ...well thats a story for another day.
Thank you all for listening..*curtsies to the audience*
Adalaine Marie Robinson
YOU ARE READING
FEELINGS IN MADNESS...a Journey In Song
Non-Fictionthis book is my days your nights my madness your silence our dilemma a saving grace mysterious faces screams in our dreams likes and things we need the parental nonsense immense music we feel a thing real only wet can tell what is right and wich is...
