FEELINGS IN MADNESS...a Journey In Song

My fear

SOMEBODY...

With normal eyes I can see,

Beyond the mists carrying me,

Into an unknown deep that beckons me,

A serene siren song luring me into dangers I cannot percieve,

With eyes that have remained closed until today,

I look out into the vastness of a future in chaotic dismay,

Looking behind me I can only see what was, what will never be agian,

Outstretched before me lay a mystery, a curiosity the beggining and the end,

In solace I seek comfort in thoughts that arent my own to think,

I've heard this phrase in a thousand differant ways tho I cannot recall one,

I view the fields before me with trepedation and fear as my heart begins to sink,

Quietly I give thought to something I told myself ...

"what if I fail", "what if I can't","what if they laugh", "what if it hurts", "what if Im no good".

Then came the realy hard question and I asked Myself "what if I dont even try?"

I've told myself so many times in many differant make sense ways,

These lies that have always been the truth that crushed my throat all these days,

strangling the life from an already dead corpse, lost alone and afraid,

why am I so afraid to do something that I know I should,

Its the time old question of a record skipping the same phrase over and over,

Theres nobody to laugh if I dont succeed, Theres nobody pointing fingers at me,

Nobody telling me that I shouldnt because id fuck it up anyway,

nobody telling me that maybe I could,

theres only me watching ,

And who am I to take my own advice?

maybe Im the fool staring into the setting sun,

letting my open eyes become blinded agian,

before I can see enough to know My past needs to end.

Its all I know..fuck i hate this kind of thought knowing how wrong I am,

Fighting a loosing proposition, in a lost argument,

running around the same old bush, chasing my tail to no avail,

tiring myself out with dead conversations ive heard a thousand times,

Listening to all the monsters lies, reading the same worn out signs,

All pointing in defeating directions that only confuse,

Where is mom or dad when you need one to guide,

They never cared anyway they would only give you a sugary sweet lie,

Why should I even try? failure will be the outcome i can tell,

walking up to the cliff and wondering if i could fly,
Would I die?

Then I look up and see you,
Beautiful, not afraid, your halo nobody else sees,
Lost among the forest trees

I walk to you wrapping myself around what could only be a dream, a meaning

You smiled at me giving life to my battered and bruised self
Opened my eyes from despise
Took my hand and led me into the light.