One quote I try to follow is "be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody".
One thing I've realized is that isn't very easy.
I'm more worried about what others will think of me and the people I associate myself with, which is stupid. That shouldn't be important. I shouldn't care what people think of me, but for some reason I do.
An excuse I could probably use is "nobody has tried to make me feel important, why should I try to make someone else feel important?"
But that would make me sound awful. I don't want to use these stupid excuses anymore.
•••
My day dreaming ends when a loud, obnoxious buzzing noise and flashes fill the room. Every one in the class turns to look at the teacher, and she looks almost as confused as we do.
"I wasn't told about having a fire drill. Everybody up. Come lets get out of the class room." My teacher, Ms. Green says calmly.
Ms. Green is my early college teacher, she's really cool. I mostly email her since my early college class is online, but other times I go up to her desk if I have any questions.
As I walked out of the class room, I decide that right now might be a good time to start my plan, since we might be outside for a little bit. I see a girl who is in my class and try to catch up with her.
"Hi!" I say loud enough so it can hopefully be heard over the alarm.
"Hi!" She says back.
"I think I met you at orientation" I explain as we reach the doors that lead out side. " but I can't remember your name."
"Yeah I think I did. My name is Jalena." She says "Isn't your name Abby?"
I nod my head. I can't remember if I told her that was my name at orientation or if she just remembered wrong. I didn't want to correct her though. I'm not lying to her, my family calls me Abby, but most of my friends call me by my real name, Abigale, and not my nickname.
•••
It takes about 10 minutes for the group of "popular" people that are in my class to get bored and start playing duck duck goose. High school kids playing duck duck goose. Okay.
I'm not going to lie I think it would be fun to play with them, they seem like really cool people. They asked some people if they wanted to play, like Jalena, and this girl named Lily. They didn't ask me. Jalena said she didn't want to play, then Chase one of the popular kids asked a couple more people. I will admit, it looked like they were having fun playing the game that I thought was silly five minutes ago. I wish they had asked me.
Everyone playing duck duck goose had gotten distracted and started taking random pictures with each other, they were jumping up and down, and smiling. They looked like they were having a really good time.
It was obnoxiously warm out, like 88 degrees, which is really warm for Michigan, especially in the middle of September.
I decided I wanted to make a friend so I started to talk to Jalena. I remember her saying that she had just joined our school district from a charter school, so I decided I'd ask her about that.
"Do you like the school so far?" I asked her, trying to make a conversation.
"Yeah, it's cool. The people here are cool" She says.
"Thats good, I'm glad you like it here." She doesn't say much after that, so I decide to try again.
"So what language do you take?" I ask.
"Spanish"
"That's cool, I took Spanish second through fifth grade" I explain.
"Cool"
She doesn't really try to keep the conversation going, and I don't want to annoy her, so I decide it would be best if I stop bombarding her with questions.
The popular kids are laughing and talking. I know its weird, but when they whisper it makes me feel like they're talking about me. But I'm probably just being paranoid. They whisper a lot in the class room but out here they're yelling and having what looks like the time of there lives.
I'm looking down at my phone, because just staring into space would make me feel like a weirdo, then this kid, I think his name is Dane, comes up to Jalena and does the shaka sign and then walks away. I look over at her and she's looking down and laughing. Does that mean something? Jalena is really pretty, maybe thats his way of flirting or what ever. I don't know.
I know I'm trying to make this year about every one around me, but I can't help but think that a boy has never came up to me, and tried to start a conversation or anything, but for some reason, all around me boys and girls talk to each other all the time.
