Crazy Affair

Five Day Party

I shouldn't be this angry. Why am I this angry? Why did I cry? Why did I mistake Tony for Ryan?

Seeing Ryan with that girl should make me feel good, I can break it off with him and have an excuse. God forgive me but I already had an excuse, I was married, I am married and I'm cheating on my husband just as he does me. I'm lowing my standards to Alfonso's and it's angering me, I'm changing and I don't have any control over it. 

Am I ugly? 

Is that why Ryan refuses to make a commitment to me? 

For gosh sake Sonya what are you thinking? Commitment! Since when do I want Ryan to commit to me? Since when did I want Ryan at all? 

I came back for sex, sex only not a relationship, not feelings. Feelings get you killed and hurt. I need to go. I can't stay here. 

Stupid.

Why did I leave? Why didn't I go with Kaylee?

"What's the matter?" 

I looked up and saw Tony looking down at me with pure concern. What do I even tell him? He knows I'm feeling some kind of way, hiding how I feel will just make things much worst

"Who is that girl? Ryan seemed fond of her?"My voice was barely a whisper and I hated that.

"Lie or truth?" Tony muttered. I had to stop walking and look at Tony, he looked like he was pitying me. 

"The truth, I'm a big girl. And it's not like Ryan and I have anything going on." I replied.

"Other than sex and a mutual understanding of each other?" Tony's pity was replaced with an expression I couldn't understand, it looked like anger but he played it off with a raised eyebrow. He had no reason to be mad.

"Yes but Ryan and I are nothing more than sex buddies." I declared.

"Sex buddies, and you believe that?" Tony dewendalled

"Yes because it's true." I defended myself.

"My brother has changed for you and you don't even know it."

I didn't know what to say because he was right, Ryan and I had the basics of a relationship but nothing that a person would be proud to admit. Our relationship was mostly a 'you give me sex I sexually torture you' and I'm not really ashamed to say that I have no problems with the relationship. 

"Yes, now tell me." I insisted ignoring Tony's last claim, Tony looked away suddenly and stared at the floor for a minute. 

"That woman in that room is Ryan's wife who he has been married to for five years," Tony whispered loud enough for me to hear. 

Reaction.

Thoughts.

Emotions.

These were the things that were missing from me at this moment.

I can't be angry, sad, not even happy. I'm married and I'm here in another man's house for sex, but of course, I see my husband as nothing but a controlling bastard but the way Ryan and that woman was, they love each other or somehow once loved each other.

I'm a burden to them at this moment. Ryan is going to keep me as far away from him as possible to protect his name as a loyal husband while I'm the home wrecker. 

My ticket home will be this party that they're having tomorrow afternoon, while everyone is drinking their livers away and partying their life away then I would have more than enough time to escape. I hope Kaylee would be able to take me in for a while, I can't go back home and be sure that Alfonso wouldn't lock me in a cage and has me as a female child making machine, a part of me wanted to go back and let him do as he wants just to get a rude awakening that I can't have children.