Devil I Jikook I

Sharp

"I'm so sorry Jimin hyung. I'll leave now." I could feel my face burning with humiliation as I turned to leave, but he caught my wrist, preventing me from leaving. I felt a voice cry out inside my mind, calling out "unnatural". I tried to overpower it with other thoughts, just like how Namjoon told me to. 'You're fine Kook-ah. You're alright. You're not an abnormality.' I remembered the words Namjoon had told me when I first confessed to him about what happened during high school, which comforted my anxious mind. I guess I winced when Jimin grabbed my wrist because he immediately withdrew his hand with a concerned expression on his face.

"I-I'm sorry if I hurt you Jungkook-ah. Please don't go. I want to help." Jimin wanted to help me? We barely talk. Why would he want to help someone that acts so cruel to him? I felt a hot tear sliding down my cheek. Wow, I'm weak. I forced myself to look up at Jimin, whose lips slightly parted when he saw my face. Ah, that's right; he's never seen me cry.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He tenderly asked, worry woven in his voice. Do I really want to talk about it? Before I could evaluate the possible consequences of agreeing or refusing, I felt myself nod. Feeling very self-conscious, I used the sleeves of my black sweatshirt to wipe the bothersome salty drops of water. Jimin put his arm around me and led me to the mirror to sit down. I awaited the voices to start taunting me, fists clenched in anticipation.

They never came.

I guess I'm spending enough time around Jimin that I can unconsciously push down the mocking voices. Making a mental note to tell Namjoon that, I slid against the mirror and to the floor, where Jimin was already sitting. He was wearing a muscle shirt and shorts and damn did he look good.

"Tell me what happened Jungkook-ah."

Well, there goes my momentarily pleasant mood. I looked down at my lap, twisting a silver ring on my finger. The ring that Yoongi gave to me for the last birthday he spent with me before leaving for university. How am I supposed to explain this to Jimin? It'll probably sound so dumb, oh god. Taking a deep breath, I tried my best to describe the situation.

"I-I got into a fight with Yoongi hyung. He screamed at me and told me that I was going to get myself killed if I didn't listen to him." I felt a hiccup escape my mouth, my cheeks wet. Crying, again? I look so pathetic. I used my sleeves to wipe them away, squeezing my eyes closed in an attempt to stop them from welling to the surface.

Jimin didn't say a word. He most likely just pities me and doesn't want to tell me. I then felt arms being wrapped around me - Jimin's arms wrapped around me. He pulled me into a hug, his touch so gentle and soothing. It was like a dam broke inside of me - a downpour of fresh tears cascaded down my face, soaking Jimin's shoulder.

"I-I'm s-so sorry Jimin h-hyung." I was blubbering like a baby, and frankly, it was quite embarrassing. Jimin didn't seem to mind though; he was rubbing circles on my back whispering, "you're going to be alright. Everything is going to be okay."

Oh, if only that was the truth.

I felt my tears slowing finally and nodded into his shoulder, pulling away. Then I heard them. Their voices. "What are you still doing here?" "Why didn't you jump when you had the chance?"

I had let my guard down for too long. I was too focused on Jimin to remember about, well, Jimin. I forgot to stay hidden behind the walls I've been working so hard to build. And now, they're back. The voices never leave.

"Th-thank you hyung. I need to go now." I wonder if Jimin noticed the way I was erratically breathing, air coming in short bursts. My eyes began to dart everywhere, vision blurry at the edges. Jimin frowned when I said that, shaking his head. "You should stay here a little longer. You aren't in any condition to attend classes." I frantically shook my head in response. I needed to get him to understand. I kept opening my mouth, but no sound came out. The voices kept growing louder, echoing in my mind. I tried to get up, but it only succeeded to make my head spin. I sank back to the ground, curling into a ball as a wave of memories hit me.

"You disgusting excuse of a child! A male can never love another male. You're unnatural Jungkook. You hear me? Unnatural! I don't know a Jungkook. Why would I want to? You will only bring dishonor to the family."

"But, eomma-"

"Who are you talking to? As far as I'm concerned, I'm not your mother."

She turned away, and so did I. I haven't looked back since; I couldn't either. I had to spend the rest of the year on the run, dashing from home to home in an attempt to find somewhere to settle for just two more months. Two more months until I could join Yoongi in university. Those were easily the worst months of my life; I was looked down upon, scorned, because I was attracted to the same gender.

I was just a disgrace. A disgrace to everyone. That's what I've been told all my life. When I was younger, my life was filled with fantastical stories and warm embraces. In high school, I was trapped in a blizzard - the world around me was cold and desolate, and I was beginning to lose my path.

Thank god I escaped it by coming here.

My breathing was slowing down a bit and I became aware of the world around me. Jimin tried to wrap his arms around me, but I impulsively shoved him off. "S-stay away from me!" I jumped up and ran out of the room, the cruel words ringing in my ears. My cruel words.

When I made it to the dorm, I collapsed on my bed in a fit of sobs. I hurt Jimin. Yoongi probably hates me. Why can't I do anything right? It was going so well; I was holding my memories down, I couldn't hear their voices. And then I just had to fall apart, hurting Jimin. One part of me was constantly yearning for him, while the other was scared of what he could do. Burying my face in my hands, I silently cried, finally letting my self-hatred consume me.

I don't know what time he came in. I felt an arm around my shoulders and shot up to see Yoongi's melancholy face. "I'm sorry Jungkook-ah. Both for last night and for the past." He lets out a defeated sigh. "I-I'm just worried for you. I don't want anything to happen to you." I curl into his side, the warmth alleviating. "I understand hyung. You were trying to help me, so thank you. I was being a bit irrational last night." Yoongi laughs. "A bit?" His words lack any bite as he tightened his hold on me, bringing me closer to him. "I'm going to be here for you from now on." He gave me a kind smile, which I returned gratefully.

"Y'know, Jimin is having an effect on you. I haven't seen you cry this much since Yugyeom broke up with you in your freshman year." He said it in a joking manner, but there was truth behind his words. Jimin was affecting me, whether I wanted to accept it or not. "I'll be more careful." Yoongi nods as he stands, turning away and walking out of the room. Before leaving, he faces me again. "We're never doing that again. That was really cheesy and gross." I giggle as he shrugs nonchalantly, a smile creeping onto his face. "See ya later. I need to work."

The next couple of days pass by without any events. Jimin seemed to be ignoring me, but I tried not to think about it since the cause of his avoidance was probably my outburst. I wanted to apologize, but I knew I couldn't without making a fool of myself. Hobi and Yoongi notice too, but they admit they have no idea why.

Three days after the incident, Yoongi yanks me out of bed at an ungodly time. As I grumble and try to ignore him, he flips the lights on, and I realize his eyes are wild with fear. Without saying a word, Yoongi thrusts his phone into my hands, Hobi's chat open.

Seok-seok at 1:34:

Yoongi

Yoongi I know you're awake... you told me that you were planning to work on your mixtape

You at 1:37

Yeah, I'm up. What's wrong?

Seok-seok at 1:38:

I need to call you rn

Wake up Jungkook

It's urgent

Please