Selfish

Chapter 54

Bella's P.O.V

Anticipation, eagerness, unsteadiness, call it whatever you want to call it. The feeling you have in the pit of your stomach before you reunite with your loved ones after a very long, traumatic time is not very pleasing. Soon after Charlie was taken into custody, Jared, Irina and I got in a car and drove as fast as we possibly could back to Forks. I could feel my heartbeat in the back of my throat, the buzzing deep inside my head and sweat running down every inch of my body. It was an endless four hour drive, but by the time we got there, it was worth it.

Officers already had men in cuffs off by the side of the road in the Manor, rounding them up and putting them in vans by the time we got there. They were so many, perhaps planning on an ambush to hit me harder before I died. It didn't matter at the end because the moment I saw Edward step out of the manor, in that same way he did the day we met, I knew we'd be okay. I ran to his arms and hugged him like my life depended on it. He held me tightly against him, assuring me that he was okay, that everyone was okay.

And they were.

Those men didn't get an inch close to them because Jared's men were here to keep an eye out for them. They were ready for war. Mia was sound asleep in her room, with her nightlight on and her little body wrapped in a burrito the way she liked it. Irina and I sat off by the side of her bed watching her in silence once the cops had left. The clock stroke five in the morning and no one in the family had gotten an hour of sleep.

"She's so beautiful," Irina said, staring at her. "Can't believe that came from me."

I nod in silence.

She turns her head to me, her eyes tearing and her lower lip quivering. "I know it's not fair for me to ask, Bella, but I have to. Do you think... That perhaps I could...?"

"Do you want her back?"

She sighs. "I was so confused when I found out I was pregnant with her, on top of that keeping that I was an informant for the F.B.I and trying to fool Charlie. But, we're better now, aren't we?" She turns back to Mia. "I think we can actually be a family."

I look at Mia as well. Can I give her back? After almost three years of having her with me and treating her as mine? After everything James and I did to keep her safe. I love her as my own and I love my half sister, she's the reason there isn't a bullet in the back of my skull. But Mia... She's a different story.

"No."

"What?"

I look back at Irina. "I'm sorry, Irina, but I can't. Mia is legally mine and even if there was something we could do for you to have her, I couldn't. I've raised her, perhaps in not the best conditions because I was sick and then my need for revenge, but I'm the only mother she knows."

"You're not gonna use her as your salvation-"

"She is my salvation. This whole family is," I whisper. "Irina, you made your choice. I made mine. You can still be part of her life, her favorite auntie, watch her grow... But not as her mother. That'll be my role from now on."

"She'll have to know eventually that you're not her real mother. She'll never know that truth? Doesn't that count as lying?"

I sigh. "That'll be up to me, her mother to decide."

To my great surprise, Irina agreed. She agreed on being her aunt, on being here every once in a while to see her but never as her mother. I wanted to take that role, it was my responsibility and I owed it to James, my best friend.

And life went on.

It took time to adjust. Edward and I moved back to Seattle with Mia. He worked while I went to night school and worked on getting a degree in English and Creative Writing. I figured I could use my experiences to write a book. I could be a very good fiction writer. My life could be my own version of the big bad woof.