All Of Me

20

20

My dad has worked all of his life to keep me from having to deal with this type of pain, this type of pain he himself had to deal with
16 years ago when he lost my mom.

And now I know why.

I feel dead inside, like there's no point to get up anymore.

But I do get up. Only because it wouldn't be fair if I didn't. Dad had to every single day after Mom died because he had to take care of me. Plus, Luke and my other friends need me just as much as I need them. We all lost Chandler the other day, not just me.

The dress I was wearing was plain black and hugged my torso, falling down to right above my knees. I left my hair natural because I couldn't bring myself to get ready any sooner than I did.

He died two days ago, yet I can't stop reliving the moment he said he couldn't hold on much longer. Then, the moment after that where his heart rate flatlined.

As thankful as I am to be the one who he spent his last minutes with, I couldn't help but wish I wasn't the one who had witnessed it.

"Are you ready, B?" Dad asked his voice gentle and soothing.

Am I ready to attend the funeral of one of my closest friends?

I never thought I'd actually have to be asked that.

I merely nodded.

I wish that I had more time to know Chandler. The couple months I had known him didn't seem long enough. I wanted so much more time. He deserved so much more time.

Everyone was there before Dad and I; we weren't late though, right on time.

I took my seat next to Luke while Dad sat next to Jaycee. Luke's hand immediately found mine and gave it a comforting squeeze, in which I returned.

I haven't seen him since the night Chandler passed away, but we've talked on the phone and cried together through FaceTime. It's not that I didn't want to see him, it's just that I thought it'd be easier if I stayed home and kept to myself before the funeral. Luke understood and agreed.

Karly took the stand alongside Chloe and a man I didn't know. He resembled Chandler an awful lot, though, so maybe it's his father.

Chloe and Chandler said he never played much of a positive role on either of their lives, but I'm sure it still meant something to all of them that he came to Chandler's funeral.

"Hi, everyone," Karly sniffled, trying her hardest to put on a brave face on the day of son's funeral. "Thank you all for coming here in honor of my son, Chandler Walker."

I watched Chloe grasp her mom's hand in attempt to comfort and encourage her.

"Chandler had been fighting his leukemia for two years. He put up a strong fight for a long time, despite all of the pain he endured while doing so. I didn't understand why he didn't want to do any chemotherapy, but I think I do now. My son wanted to enjoy whatever time he had left without the worry of all of the tests and additional pain that came with chemo. Though he isn't here to say it for himself, I know that he enjoyed his last two years with all of us, and everyone here is to thank for that." Karly's sob she had been trying to choke back couldn't be held back any longer.

Chloe took a minute to hug her before she took her mom's spot in front of the microphone.

"Chandler was my best friend all throughout our childhood. He was always there for me, just like I was there for him. We did everything together. I remember when he was diagnosed and was told he'd only live for a couple more months. We were all so scared, but he promised us he wasn't going to go anywhere any time soon," Chloe offered the crowd a small smile. "He was right, he fought like hell against the terrible disease. My brother was an amazing guy who deserved to live a lot longer than he had, but I'm happy that he got to enjoy his last two years with people like all of you. You made him a happier person. He died happy, and he died loved."