Find Your Purpose, Before It's Too Late

Chapter 12

Almost eight months had passed since Daryl lost her. Her face was always the first thing he thought of in the morning, and the last thing he thought of at night. Her voice, her laugh, the way her hands felt on his skin... Daryl took her with him wherever he went. Now that he was leaving, he needed one more thing to take so she could stay with him forever.

Daryl parked his bike and dropped his gear on the asphalt near the gazebo. He'd been in there at least once a day, every day he was in Alexandria since she died. Now, he stood staring at the plank that bared their initials. Closing his eyes, he thought back to the day she'd done it. His breath caught in his throat as the memory crashed down on him like a summer storm.

A breeze came through and gently lifted the long strands of hair from Daryl's face. Turning his face up into the night air, he imagined her touching his cheek as she had done so many times before.

"Hey," he said to the emptiness. "I feel ya here."

Daryl sat on the bench and looked out over the community he had called home for a long time now. The houses and streets looked the same as they did on the first day his group walked through the walls, but it all felt different.

Since she died, everything felt different.

"Y/N," Daryl said looking up to the stars above, "it took me a while, but I see now why you had to go when you did. I still fucking hate it. But it was on your own terms, so I gotta be grateful for that. All the shit that's happened here since you..." Daryl paused as a sob caught in his throat.

"...the Saviors didn't hurt you. At least that psychopath never touched you. Not all our people were lucky, but I guess you know that. If I had lost you to them, I don't know if I'd still be standin' here."

Daryl took a cigarette from his pack, tapped it out and let it sit gently between his lips as he dug back in the pocket for his lighter. Once lit, he took a long drag and imagined her again. That first night they spent together... she sat right here, he thought, touching the place where she once was. She smoked a cigarette with him, and they argued. But they always argued. He wished he had told her how badly it turned him on when she fought with him.

He smiled. Thinking of her now always brought a smile.

"It's hard being here baby, damn near impossible to be here without you. Livin' here in our place, I see you everywhere. I can't do it anymore, so, I'm gonna go help Maggie at the Hilltop. Gonna help her and Jesus with the baby... whatever they need. I owe it to Glenn. I owe it to you."

Daryl took another long drag. He watched as the smoke twisted and turned into the night air, swirling up in the vast emptiness of space. He stood up and took the small crowbar from his inside pocket. Daryl worked at freeing the board that held the carving made by the love of his life.

"Besides, I made ya a promise. I ain't gonna get lost. I can't. But if for some reason I do, I got you up there as my north star if I do lose my way. Right?"

Daryl sighed and dropped the crowbar to the ground. Tucking the plank into his coat he looked up again and closed his eyes so her face would be right there where it always was.

"I think... shit. No one ever said it would be this hard. But, even with how things shook out, I'd still do it all over again. If I could just take us back to the start, not waste any time. Tell ya that I loved ya the second I felt it..." Daryl's head hung low, mourning for the love he had and lost.

Walking to his bike, Daryl put his pack across his shoulders and secured his crossbow on the back of his bike. He looked around the empty streets of Alexandria to all the places where he and his friends had made countless memories, both good and bad.

The breeze came through again and on it, Daryl caught a subtle hint of her scent. Taking one more deep breath, Daryl revved the engine on the bike and pulled out to the front gate.

As Daryl waited for the gate to open, he took one last look up at the sky. Shining big and bold above him was the north star.

"Guide me home baby," he growled and took off down the street towards his new purpose.