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blakerossi throwback
shawnmendes you predicted roses before I wrote it
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Despite everything seeming fine between Shawn and I, I could still tell there was a little tension between us. He definitely accused me of trying to break up with him.
Which I was trying to do. I couldn't let my issues with myself drag him down or hold him back from his career. I knew he would get too invested in me if things like this kept happening and end up not focusing on his career. I refused to let that happen.
Shawn had a show today so he wasn't focused on me, he wasn't focused on his show today. Like prepping for the meet and greet and Q&A and things like that.
We were already at the venue and Shawn was in a separate room, while I decided to disappear up to the upper levels of the venue to think and clear my mind.
I didn't want to break up with Shawn. Ever. I wanted to be with him forever. He made me feel like a completely different yet better person when I was with him. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world. I loved him with all my heart and finally now that we were together things seemed so great. Until yesterday after the airport.
I felt like I was in Manila again. Laying in bed, sleepless, trying to decide if I should leave the tour or not. If I left Shawn it would tear both of us. But I know he'd get over it and move on. In order for Shawn to stay focused and get better as an artist and finish his album 3, I would have to go.
After Jake called me, I went back down into the backstage area and sat in Shawn's dressing room. I mostly just went through twitter and Instagram, not much else to do right?
I was surprised to see Andrea calling me.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked.
"You're in L.A? Is everything okay? Are you okay?" She asked, probably referring to my accident at the airport.
"I'm fine, everything is just getting so hard." I stood up and aimlessly walked around the dressing room, looking around at the jerseys hung on the walls.
"I know, Blake, but you are so strong. I know you can do it. So what did the doctor say?" She asked.
After I explained to her what the doctor said, I stopped walking and took a deep breath, "I don't think I can be with Shawn anymore."
