Conquering The Darkness

Chapter Five

"Kid, eat," Nicky firmly says to Lorna as they sit in the cafeteria the next morning. She can see the effect Lorna's son's death is having on her, and she's not sure she likes it. Her arm gently wraps around the brunette's shoulder as she gives her an empathetic stare, "You gotta eat, Lorna. I know it's hard right now and all ya wanna do is crawl in a hole but you can't neglect yourself. So, please eat at least half of the food."

Lorna does as she's told and brings a small spoonful of oatmeal to her mouth. She weakly chews it while staring blankly ahead. Nothing feels right anymore. She can acquaint herself to a robot – her heart is numb, she barely has the momentum to go on with her life, and she's feeling no emotion.

The other women at the table give her looks of sympathy. Most of the prisoners know what's happened by now, and everyone pities her because they know how difficult it is to deal with a loved one's death while being locked up.

"How are you feeling, Morello?" Yoga Jones softly asks, her eyes compassionate as they pour into the brunette's.

Shyly swallowing her food, Lorna glances up at her. She gives a small shrug. "Why am I not feeling would be a better question," her voice deadpanned as her eyes fix on the sight of prisoners going through the food line.

Nicky sighs, giving a soothing squeeze to Lorna's shoulder. "That's normal, kid; it's part of the grieving process. Just remember that you don't have to go through this alone. You have all of us to help and look after you." She runs a hand tenderly through the short woman's dark hair and gives a small kiss to her head.

Nodding in agreement with Nicky's statement, Yoga Jones continues to stare across at the younger inmate beside her. "Numbness is very common after losing someone close. It'll take time, but eventually you will be able to move past this and have the motivation to go on living. You know, maybe you could come to one of my yoga classes – yoga is good at relieving sorrow."

Lorna places her used plastic silverware onto her barely-touched tray and is about to leave the table. "Maybe some other time, Jones. I think I'll just go back to my bunk until Mendez gets me for work," she says, but Nicky's gentle pull on her arm stops her from leaving.

"Are you gonna be okay on your own, kid?" Nicky worriedly asks, not too keen on the idea of a vulnerable and broken Lorna's being alone right now. She sighs when the other nods but chooses not to argue with her. Instead, she gives her a comforting embrace and soft kiss atop the head, "Don't do anything stupid. If you need anything, you come find me or Red. And be careful around Mendez, kid—he's a fuckin' creep." She watches with sorrow as Lorna meekly throws her tray away and walks out of the cafeteria.

Nicky eats the rest of the breakfast in silence. She doesn't feel the need to engage in conversation—not when her mind is too busy worrying about Lorna. She is in her own world when Red's voice calls out her name and gives her an uneasy stare. "What's got you so quiet, Nicky? And where's Lorna?" The Russian woman questions.

"I just feel so fucking bad for Lorna...and she went back to her bunk—saying she rather rest until her shift. I don't like the idea of her being alone right now, though, ma. What if she can't handle her grief and does something stupid, huh?"

Red grabs her daughter's hand and squeezes it tight. "If you're so worried, go check on her. I don't think she'll do anything—she just needs some time to herself."

Lying against the firm mattress, Lorna holds her son's picture tightly in her hands. She stares at it, studies his every feature, and lets out a quiet sob. Her fingers brush against it. "I'm s-so sorry, my Emilio...I'm sorry for killing you," she tearfully whispers, delicately stroking the picture.

"Enough fucking crying, inmate, you've got work to do," Mendez's harsh voice demands as he walks into the cell and forces her to stand up. He notices the small photograph in her hand and rudely snatches it from her. "What's this—huh? A little picture of your dead son? Hmm, so sad to hear that...but this is not allowed in here! I'm gonna have to tear it up." A smirk displays across his face as he crumbles the tiny paper in his hand and then tears it into small pieces. He throws it onto her bunk before dragging her out to the van.