My life story

Losing love to infatuation (rant)

September 8, 2017: the day I fell out of love.

Hey viewer, if you've read the last few parts of this story, you'd know that I had a boyfriend named Noah. I was with him since January 21 of this year. We were arguing for the third day already, and it's because I was so forcing toward him to the point it was abusive. I lied to him a bunch cuz I was so insecure that I thought he'd leave if I didn't make him stay. Now that the reason is out, I'll tell you the explanation that brought me to this.

There's a Tumblr post that a 17-year-old posted and it was about how of all the things that he would be afraid of, he stated that love was the scariest thing he was afraid of. In the post he said that "he was afraid of love because people fall out of love for the same reason that they fell in love in the first place". And that's what I think happened to us basically this is the third time that we ever talked about how we didn't feel happy with how we were acting towards each other so I decided to talk to someone else besides the two people that I am so close with Maycn and Zach and I asked Arneil, a close yet distant friend of mine, to give me advice on what to do about the situation. He said that our relationship was mainly based on the fact that we wanted to do sexual things with each other not exactly us being in love and when I realize that I noticed that it is actually because of that which is "I didn't feel actual love in the relationship, I felt like I was only in it for sexual satisfaction," and I knew that it was true because of all the things that we will talk about or argue about it was about how we treat each other outside of our sexual relationship. I admit I was acting very strong in the first day or half day of our break up but now that I look back on it I feel more broken inside because I wasn't fair at all to him then he tried to stay with me when I told him to leave on the first day of the arguments but he stayed because he said that he was dedicated to me but now that it's all gone he really isn't.

Noah James Resau, Jan. 21 - Sept. 8
I believed at one point, I truly loved him but now that I see that everything was going to end this way I knew that I was on the infatuated with things that I thought would happen in the future. I'm sorry you had to waste your time but it's all for the better now, now you know what it's like to have a crazy girlfriend and I know that I need to be kinder and trustworthy and just overall a better person, even if I can't be my real self. But most of all, I'm sorry that I broke you.