Dare Trilogy | Book 3 Editing | ✓

3.10 | Goals

"Doesn't it bother you though?"

I smiled at his concern and shake my head, "No, Arnav. It doesn't. I know enough from knowing Armaan that you must have your reasons for the way you were back then. And whatever your reasons, I won't ask because I don't need to know. I keep saying I want to put my past behind me, and so I am actually going to put not just my past but both our pasts behind us. You should do the same."

Even though I said I didn't need to know, he still wanted to give an explanation. "When I first met Vivek..."

"Arnav, really. I don't need to know."

"Perhaps. But I need to say it." He expressed, and I nodded, letting him clear his mind once and for all. Really, there was a lot he kept to himself. I suppose when he was willing to speak, I shouldn't stop him. "At first, Vivek was just a classmate. Playing in the same team, we started hanging out. I was just a kid then, wanting to fit in. He wasn't always this person. One day, he invited me to go over to his place to play some video games. I went and met Lavanya there. Instantly I realized how wrong he treated her. I told him to cut it off because I knew how I would have felt if anyone treated my sisters like that. He didn't listen, and the only reason I kept being his friend was to try and understand why Lavanya put up with him. She knew he was being a jerk to her, but she still was nice to him. Eventually, it became about me trying to protect her from him. He got irritated by that. Fell into the wrong crowd of older kids."

"Shyam?"

"He was one of them, yes. I drew the line there. Vivek didn't." He remained silent for a second. I reached for his hand, urging him to go on. I didn't necessarily want to hear about Vivek because I don't think it would have created sympathy in my heart. But if Arnav's actions back then were connected to Vivek, then for his sake, I would listen about him too. "Then Vivek placed a bet with Shyam and even today, I think it was because he didn't like the way I was becoming Lavanya's friend more than his. So out of jealousy, maybe he thought he could hurt me by hurting my sister."

"Nothing justifies what they did, Arnav." I believed it. Jealousy of someone picking someone else for a friend doesn't equal in a revenge of rape and molestation.

"Sure, I'm not justifying it either. It's just, I used to spend so much time trying to understand whatever could have changed him so much. But anyway... after all of that, I felt so much when I was with family, Khushi. So much that even when I knew better, when I was away from my family... in my personal life, I just wanted to turn off those emotions. All the flirting, the one night stands, no strings attached relationships... it was all just to forget everything going on in my life. To stop feeling. A defense mechanism, of sorts. But, there's no justification, really. With what Anjali went through, I should have known not to treat those girls like that even if it helped distancing myself from feeling. They never stopped me. I guess it gave me the liberty to keep doing that. It makes me feel I am no better than Vivek and Shyam."

"Stop it." I pulled him to a stop from walking. "Don't ever say that, Arnav. You could never be like them. Not even close. Perhaps what you shared with those girls wasn't the ideal relationships, but you didn't force them into anything."

"Still... in a way, I was taking advantage of them."

"Babe, they were taking just as much advantage of you." I answered with a slight laugh, for if only he would take that perspective. "How you seen yourself in the mirror?" I added, talking of his looks. It had all been mutual benefit.

He lightened his mood, not being too hard on himself anymore, "Until you came in my life. Do you remember the first time I called you sweet pea and tried to flirt?"

Despite the heavy conversation, I found myself answering in a giggle, "Yeah, I don't think I'll ever forget that."

"It was the first time I was nearly punched in my gut for flirting. That second itself, I knew. Armaan had asked me to look after you, and I knew trying to flirt my way into a friendship wasn't going to work with you at all. You didn't care about my looks. You wanted nothing to do with me. You were different. You did stop me from treating you as such... or belittling you. So, I did what I did best."