Secret Daughter // Shawn Mendes

Reminded of past mistakes

Lexi's p.o.v

I turn around and look at Shawn. His arms are crossed and I'm honestly so scared. I use to mentally prepare myself for a talk like this when Sophia was born, but he never texted me. But here I'm am now, unprepared and speechless.

I'm just not ready to be reminded of past mistakes. I don't want to feel that pain or hurt again.

"So are we going to talk?" Shawn speaks. I didn't even realize that I've been staring and haven't moved.

I signal for him to follow me to the couch and he does. We sit down even though we aren't going to stay seated like our last talk 4 years ago when he was here.

I'm happy Sophia isn't here. I don't have to worry about us yelling and scaring her. Where do I start off? How do I talk to him about everything.

"I don't know where to start Shawn" I choke out. So many things have happened and I don't want to be reminded of them.

"Tell me about my daughter"

"Ok well, where do I start with that? I could go on forever. She's amazing, kind, caring. She's just the perfect little girl." Every time I think of her, I smile. I look over at Shawn and he's smiling too.

"Why didn't you tell me about Sophia? I missed so much. I could've been there for everything, but I wasn't. That hurts so much."

"It hurt me not telling you. You have no idea how hard it was at award shows not to pull you aside and tell you about her. You acted like I never existed." He  stands up and walks away from the couch over to me.

"What did you expect? Every time I looked or thought of you, that hurt me! It just reminded me of what I lost!" I stand up. I can't believe he could say that.

"You didn't lose me Shawn! You let go of me!" By this time, we're basically screaming at each other. He breathes in then out with his eyes closed to calm down then speaks up.

"Why did you not tell me about my daughter?"

"Well when I called you, you hung up before I could tell you. Then you blocked me on every social media, block my number, and basically kicked me out of your life. I called your manager to somehow get in touch with you, but she didn't like that. She made threats to ruin my family's careers and said that if I really cared about you and your future, I'd leave you alone. I thought what I did was best for you, but as Sophia got older, I realized it wasn't. It hurt me looking at her and knowing that you could've been there for everything. But you weren't." I look down at the ground to hide my tears.

"I get it, but don't blame all that shit on me, you made that decision."

"I don't blame you, I blame both of us. I could've told you." I choke out. I can't hide my tears from him.

"I'm sorry you know. I'm sorry for being a dick to you and treating you horribly on social media. I shouldn't have done that."

"Yeah you shouldn't." I wipe my tears as he stares at me.

"You hurt me. You said that you never loved me. I must've meant nothing to you for you to even say that."

"You meant a hell of a lot to me. I showed it that one last time at your place."

"And I got pregnant." He just nods and looks down.

"I tried to make the pregnancy as planned as I possibly could. I planned everything after that phone call. I don't ever want Sophia to feel like a mistake, because she isn't. She is the most important thing to me. She means the absolute world to me and I'm sure she knows that"

"And I could've been that for her too. I missed all of it. When you delivered her, I could've been there holding you hand. Holding her in my arms. Feeding her. Caring for her. Her first word. Her first bath. I missed it all."

"Follow me upstairs. I gotta show you something" he follows me and looks very confused. We go to my room. I pull out a bin in my closet and get the book.
I tell him to sit down next to me.

"As soon as Sophia was born, I knew a day would come when she would walk into your life or you would walk into hers. So every picture I took of her, every memory, I copied it twice and made a book. This is yours. I have my own. It has pictures of all of her firsts like first bath, first haircut. All of it. But she's only 4, so there are more firsts to come."

He goes through all the pages and smiles. He laughs at her silly faces.

"What was her first word?" I grabbed my phone because I had the video saved on everything.  I clicked on the play button and he watched it.

She was almost 1. She was in her high chair and I was sitting next to her. I was showing her a picture of Shawn and asking who he his to her. She immediately says "da-da" I look at Shawn's face and he has the hugest smile on him. I just want to hug him so bad. The video ends and he turns to me.

"I didn't want her first word to be of me, I wanted it to be you. I mean after all, I did name her after you." He looks at me confused with that smile of his.

"Her full name is Sophia Peyton Raul Mendes." I exaggerate the Mendes part. He hugs me and I'm taken by surprise. He realizes and pulls away.

"Wow I have a daughter."

"Yep"

I don't want to make this chapter too long, so they'll still be talking in the next one. It'll pick up from right here