Loving The East Girl ✔

thirteen

Again, Nisa? You just said it yourself that negativity was not helping your situation. But, looked at yourself! You had been so negative that you thought there was nobody out there who would help you. Oh, right! Sorry.

Take a deep breath, Nisa. Take a deep breath.

"Are you crazy? Why are you talking to yourself?" Finally, there was voice in the room. Note the sarcasm. It had been more than fifteen minutes that the room got in a deadly silent. I said to myself. I didn't realize that I said it out loud to be honest. I really need to stop thinking out loud. Or all my thought wouldn't be secrets anymore.

Whatever was already in the tip of my toung but, I swallowed it hard. Because I knew it wasn't wise answer at all. If I wanted to live then, I should pretend like I was obeying all what they told me to. When in reality, all I wanted right now was getting out of here as fast as I could. I didn't know where I should ask for help once I was free. But, lemme have a thought about it later.

And I would be free. I would. Amiin. Please Allah help me! I needed Your strenght right now.

Was it maybe my embassy that could help me? Or was it my university? Okay, I really needed to think about this later. Not now, Nisa. Not now. Now I needed to be more wary of what would happened. It was my life they were risking. Not them. Little did I knew that it was the other way around.

And I certainly won't die without a fight, without making my mom happy first.

But, what I didn't believe at all was the voice I recognized. I couldn't believe myself that my encounter with him would bring him to make this kind of horrible event of my life just to spit it out of me. I knew he hated me so much even from the first time I met him.

But, I just, how did I said it? Why me? Why he hated me so much? Just why? Was it wrong for me to stand for myself? Was it wrong for me to reply back? Was it wrong for me to choose to be a Muslim? Was it wrong for me to wear a scarf around my head? Was it wrong for me to wear a long dress that cover my whole body? Was it wrong for me to believe in God? Was it wrong for me want to please my God? Was it wrong for me to want to study here? Was it wrong for me that I believe in Islam? Was it wrong for me to be from the east? Was it wrong for me that-that— I gulped my saliva down my throat as I couldn't help but, to cry after. Was it really my wrong that I chose to be a Muslim girl? Was it all my fault to begin with? Was it?

I tried my hardest not to cry as I recalled all the wrong I did, all the insecurities they made me feel. But, I have reached my limit. I couldn't hold it anymore. My reflected-agonized-silent-tears were streaming down my face through the blind-fold they forced on me. I honestly didn't care if they knew I was crying. I didn't care if he knew that he succed to hurt me emotionally. I didn't care. I just couldn't hold it anymore.

O Allah, please let me go home. I need my mom. I want her right now. Please Allah. I can't be stronger than this. I can't. Only my mom who can ease all my sadness. She is the only one who can make everything alright again. She—.

Suddenly, out of nowhere I felt one marked stamp of palm on my right cheek that caught me off guard. Unconsciously my face was turning to the left. The palm stamp left me bleed on its own on the corner of my mouth. Even though, I couldn't see anything. But, I knew it was him who slapped me hard. I had never met someone who has so much hatred in their eyes other than him.

"He asked you, bitch. I have my reason to not cover up your mouth. Now answer him!" he demanded. If I could, I would want to wiped my tears away. But, I couldn't. The tears keep running down my cheeks. I needed to stop crying.

I took a really deep breath and closed my eyes for a second before I answered, "Sorry." When in reality all I did was clenching my fist on my back and trying my best to keep it together. I didn't know exactly how many people who kidnapped me. But, I guessed maybe it was four. I remember that there was two people who guarded me, the driver and him. Could I really fight them off? I didn't think so.