Malefic Fixation

V

Saturday, September 7

I have trouble sleeping these days.

Harry and Niall keep reassuring me that the Hunters can't get to me, that I have two of the most powerful people on Earth protecting me, but it does nothing to ease the discomfort that picks at my brain.

Harry's begun to take it personally, despite my constant reassurance that's not the case. I know that it seems that way, like I don't trust in Harry's ability to keep me safe, but it almost feels like... a premonition. I've tried to explain it to him but it's gotten to the point that when I bring it up, his mood sours instantly. The last time, he wouldn't even look at me. I ended up spending the night alone while he did God-knows-what to calm himself. That night was hard on both of us for more reasons than one.

Niall taught me how angels track souls in the West, how he tracked me for all these years. It's like Traveling, except in your mind. I can distinguish auras and follow them to their host, and it's almost like being a ghost in the room. However, in more skilled beings, they can shield their aura to prevent it from happening (it's what I'm currently working on).

I'm constantly tracking Harry.

I don't even think about doing it most of the time and before I realize it, my mind has drifted. The more angelic I become, the stronger this... bond between Harry and I grows. Niall tells me it's because I've chosen Harry as my partner or Ikigai, my reason for living. Angels often become territorial and possessive when it comes to their Ikigai, and the older I get, the harder it will become for us to be apart. Honestly, I can't fathom it getting any worse though, I'm practically on-edge by the end of the day waiting for Harry to come home. The ache in my chest so intense that it feels like my heart will combust.

The only reassuring thing Niall had to say about it is that it will get easier for me to think past the separation pain.

I sure fucking hope so.

I sigh, turning on my side to trace the strong curve of Harry's jaw. Stubble coats his cheeks and his curly brown hair has started to grow out again. It's been a month since the penthouse was bombed and there hasn't been any word from the Hunters. Niall keeps reassuring me it's a blessing because it has given me time to continue my training, but I can't help but feel like they're waiting on something... and the longer they have to plan, the more of a threat they become.

Harry stirs, as if sensing my unease, and subconsciously pulls my body closer to his, inhaling my scent before going still again. An ache forms in my chest despite being in his arms and I fight the need to wake him up to reassure myself that he's still alive, even though I know dying is impossible for him.

It's shit like this that worries me, feeling so distant from him even when we're close.

"Harry..." I whisper so quietly, I'm not sure he would even hear it if he were lucid. "It's getting worse Harry... the feeing that something really bad is going to happen, like we're about to be ripped apart and I— I'm afraid."

I curl my body into his and rest my head on his arm, admiring his side profile and trying to commit every detail to memory.

"If you're taken from me... I don't know what I will become. I need you Harry, I need you more than I need the air in my lungs or the blood in my veins."

He stirs and I look up at him as his green eyes slowly open to lazily watch me. I try to keep the sadness from my eyes as we watch each other and I reach up to kiss him. He returns the kiss instantly and just like that, he's awake.