"Can't you see it? I love you."
Your eyes start to shine with tears.
"I have for so, so long now, but you can't see it. God, anything else, anything I do you can always read so well. But you've been blind to this. Over and over, you choose someone else instead of me."
You opens your mouth to speak but only a choking sound comes out, as warm tears slowly dribble down your cheeks.
"You have no idea the pain I go through everyday to force a smile and joke around as you confine in me about your most recent date. Haven't you noticed how I hesitate whenever you ask me who I like? It's because I'm so tempted in telling you. Just finally saying the truth. But I know you just don't care."
At this you look up at him and try to meet his gaze with your big, tearful eyes, but he had already turned away.
"Merlin." You start slowly, not bothering to wipe away the tears that have now covered your cheeks. "You know I can't say it back. Uther would never allow it." You admit, glancing over your shoulder to check the castle towering above you both.
Being Arthur's betrothed means that at a young age you and Arthur had been tied together, no matter if you loved each other. Although you did love him, dearly, he just wasn't the one you truly loved. The one you would do anything and everything for. Yet looking at Merlins face, his eyes turned away from yours. Those familiar eyes, the ones who comfort you, the ones who spark when they meet yours across a boring royal meeting.
The ones you are in love with. But you can't.
"It was a risk you just telling me this Merlin. What if one of the guards heard? What if Uther found out? He'd assume -"
"I don't care what he assumes Y/N!" He cries out, his eyes finally meeting yours. Even just being able to see his eyes again makes your heart flutter. "Just tell me the truth. Tell me if you love me. If you don't, we can carry on as if I never said anything. You'll marry Arthur and I'll smile and be happy for you. But..." He trails off, unable to continue because of his hopes.
Taking a deep breath you look behind you once more, from here you're able to to see where Arthur's rooms are. Turning back around you let yourself memorise his face. The shape of his lips, the sharp angles of his cheekbones, the dancing colours inside his eyes.
"I love you." You say quietly, unable to look away from his eyes. The words feeling like bliss, those little words that you've been wanting to say for what felt like years. The happiness that flooded into his eyes made your heart burst.
Which made saying what's next that much harder.
"But." You turn your head away and look up towards where you know Arthur is waiting in his chambers. Fresh tears well up in your eyes as you turn back to look at him. It has to be realistic.
"I love Arthur more." That's it. It's done. You lied.
Merlin only pauses before nodding and giving a small attempt at a smile.
"Well, I suppose this means you'll be Queen one day." He says quietly, this time turning to look at Arthur's room high above us. "You two will be amazing rulers." He admits gently before giving you a watery smile and turning away from you.
Even after he's left your sight you stand there blank and empty and unable to forget the look on Merlins face.
