Butterfly Tattoo [Nate Ruess]

[8] Fights

I, being the good person I am, grab it from him to keep him from drinking it.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asks, pissed off.

"It's bad for you to drink, Nate."

"It's not bad for me at all, it hasn't done a thing wrong to me."

"Look at you! You haven't shaved in a week!" I point to his facial hair.

"So?"

"And you've been breaking things throughout the house, and worst, fighting with me."

"Fighting with you is not the worst thing in the world, K."

"Don't call me K, Nate. My name is Ken or Kennedy."

"It doesn't fucking matter, Ken."

"Yes it does, Nate! Damnit, you and I haven't slept in the same bed for almost over a week, and I hate it!"

I throw the vodka bottle against the wall to surprise Nate, which I accomplished. It seemed to knock him out of his trance.

"Look, Nate."

He starts to drop his head to the floor, feeling guilt and definitely showing it.

"I love you, a lot. And I care about you, a lot. I miss feeling your arms around me when I wake up in the morning."

He brings his head back up to me, but rolls his eyes once again.

"You don't even act like yourself, anymore Nate."

"You don't appreciate anything, Kennedy."

I turn around to him and start using my finger with him.

"Oh, I don't appreciate anything? Who's house are you living in, Nate?

Who's stuff are you breaking, Nate?

Who's money are you using, Nate?

Maybe you should go stand in the rain for a while and actually bathe all that shitty attitude off of you, hopefully it will bring back the Nate I love."

I turn around and start walking back upstairs, in immediate tears from embarrassment and depression, from the fact that we just argued in front of Dylan once again, and that I miss Nate, and what I just told him was all true.

The vodka is what makes him this way. I have told him numerous times I don't like it when he drinks, because he basically turns into someone he's not.

It hurts me.

It hurts him.

It hurts Dylan.

I close and lock the door to the bedroom, and then get back in my original position that I was in before in the bed.

I immediately begin to let out all of my feelings, wishing Nate was holding me to comfort me.

He was the sweetest thing ever, everything I ever wanted in a person.

Now, he is a monster. Just a cruel, monster.

*********

Nate Ruess

I stand in the middle of the doorway, watching as the rain poured over the huge yard and driveway, making mist arise from the road.

Kennedy's words replayed over and over in my head, making me feel worse and worse.

The vodka is now starting to fade off.

"Maybe you should go stand in the rain for a while and actually bathe all that shitty attitude off of you, hopefully it will bring back the Nate I love."

Maybe she was right, maybe I need to stand in the rain for a while.

I take it into consideration, then place my phone and other items on the coffee table in the living room, and walked out onto the front porch, closing the front door behind me.

I take a deep breath, smelling the scent of all of the flowers that Kennedy had freshly planted in her garden.

I take a few steps, and walk off of the porch onto the green pastures, bare footed.

The rain immediately hit my skin, making me dripping wet.

I hold my arms out, letting the rain hit my face and neck.

I close my eyes and begin to replay thoughts in my head.

"I love you, a lot. And I care about you, a lot. I miss feeling your arms around me when I wake up in the morning."

I imagine Kennedy smiling at me early in the morning, happy at the fact we just slept together and were being so lazy.

"Yes it does, Nate! Damnit, you and I haven't slept in the same bed for almost over a week, and I hate it!"

I imagine myself lay on the couch while she lays in the big bed, alone and probably cold.

Sometimes I sneak upstairs at night to use the bathroom and I hear her sniffle through her sobbing.

That's it, I need to apologize to her.

She's the love of my life. Nobody compares to her in my book. She's done so much for me, and here I am, treating her so badly.

Now is the time to act like my old self again.

Now is the time to be me again, for her.

For Kennedy.

I run inside and almost slip from being dripping wet. But I didn't care at this point. I can't mess this up again. Not when I have the chance.

I run up the stairs, keeping my eyes on the master bedroom door.

I stop myself right in front of it, not moving an inch, not even breathing louder or harder than I should be.

I don't hear anything but her faint snores, oh how she was adorable when she slept.

I slowly back away from the door, and decide not to bother her.

Instead, I can plan a date.

A special date.

One she will never forget.