Her

One

The loud music drowned out the rest of the world, it drowned out all the bad and gave the girl a sense of freedom. It inspired her, to be happy, to be herself, to express her feelings, or at least most of it did. And express her feelings she did. Her songs were full of thought and emotion.

Her black dyed hair tended to fall into her eyes and her porcelain skin looked more luminescent then normal. Her brown eyes, seemingly always changing colours, were focused on the paper and pencil in-front of her. She tapped her foot enjoying the fast pace of the song she was listening to. A song that helped influence her writing, and sometimes her mood. Never Good Enough by Rachel Ferguson. But this was a normal thing that she listened to.

The girl continued to write down lyrics for her new song, ignoring the world around her as if it was nonexistent. She didn't belong there, where doing this was good, when it was slowly killing you. Or when not being part of the mainstream life, you were a weirdo, or a freak.

After she had finished writing a few more lines, she put the paper in her binder, and shoved the pencil and binder in her ICP backpack. She got up, starting her way through the crowd of students, and staff.

'Too many people. They're just going to judge you.' A voice told her in her head. She ignored it the best she could. She was used to it, so used to it that she didn't care what it said. Most of the time. There were moments when the voice got overbearing, when she was upset, or when she was all alone. That's when she'd break down, and cry, but that was rare.

'You can't win.' It told her. She smirked to herself knowing it was utter crap. She was already winning. She was making a future for herself, she had friends who understood and cared for her, and she was becoming prouder of herself, more than she used to be. The girl twitched a bit and looked around for her roommates, her only friends in a place full of 1,000+ people. She spotted her short haired friend wearing the tan trench coat, that reminded everyone of Castiel, and her curly black haired roommate, conversing.

'They don't want you around them. Too clingy. Too loud. Too annoying.' She approached them, smiling as they informed her of the topic they were talking about. She nodded, joining them, taking out her headphones, and pausing her music. A sense of relief fell upon her. The voice was merely a liar. It didn't know what it was talking about. It said whatever it could to put the girl down.

It was a constant argue with the voice though. 'Ugly' , 'Then why do people flirt with me?' 'To use you' 'They haven't used me yet' 'They will' 'No they won't' 'Do you really believe that? That people ACTUALLY like you?'

The girl didn't believe that but she refused to let the voice win. She was stronger than that. She wouldn't do that to her little sister, to a little girl who would be clueless as to where her 'big sissy' had went and why she would never come back. She had already lost her grandma, why would she ever give her little sister an even bigger burden.

The girl simply smiled, she had thought about telling her roommates one of her darkest secrets, but the conversation was happy while her secret was the polar opposite. She didn't want them to worry about her. She didn't want anyone to worry about her, but they did, of course. They were truly her friends, some of the only friends the girl had managed to keep. She didn't want her image to change because of something she could barely control. Hell, she was already 'creepy' and clearly weird to most people, she was terrified that they'd leave her like everyone.

Only a few people knew about this secret and so far only two people had shown concern for it. Her internet friend that she'd talked to for a few years. And her best friend that she had known for about a year, because of her fashion and weirdness. They both would check in with her sometimes, mostly avoiding the subject to prevent a relapse, and the girl was open about it to them. If she had relapsed she'd tell them, talk to them, get help from the two that meant the most to her.

She wanted to trust her new-found friends here, but she was scared, after all where she lived rumors spread like a wildfire, and she really didn't want that. But then again...who would?