All is Fair: Zayn Malik Fanfiction

Chapter 30

I shake my head. "It's over."

He cocks his head and stares at me for a couple of seconds in dead silence.

He scans my face for any sign of dishonesty. My heart pounds against my chest, thudding through my entire body and probably the whole room. It's quiet enough after what I just said for even the smallest noise to be noticeable.

It's not a lie, I have to tell myself. I am sure he is going to note my nervous state and begin to think I am lying, when I'm not. Not really.

"It is? Just like that?" he asks.

I nod. "I'm sure. I can't even stand to look at him anymore, and he knows he can't be with me."

He stares. I stare back. We stare.

"I don't believe you," he says. He gets up off the wall and starts to walk to the bedroom. I walk after him.

I'm not giving this up now. I've gone through a lot to get him to forgive me and I am making it happen.

"What do you need to hear?" I ask, quite fed up with his silence. In truth, I know it is so hypocritical to be mad at him, so I'm not really mad. I just want this so badly that it's frustrating me that he isn't acting how I want.

He sharply turns, ending up quite near my face. His voice sounds like hissing. "It's not just what I need to hear, it's just-"

His foot is tapping against the wall. It distracts both of us. He sighs and looks down at them, and so do I. He furrows his brow and I know he is thinking. He always acts quieter when he thinks. It softens the look of anger and turns around all of the bitchiness he had before. He brings his head up slowly and with a much softer voice, he continues, "How can I trust you?"

He's quiet. "Everything you say, I have to doubt." He sighs. "You've lied to me so much in the past few weeks, and even before then you didn't tell me about high school."

His voice is dead. His eyes are dead. The entire room is dead. Nothing is alive right now. "Do you get it? I want to trust you. I just can't believe anything from your mouth anymore."

I get it. I look at Harry and see someone actually hurt. It doesn't matter how many excuses I give, or any truths I tell or however many times I apologize. He doesn't know if he can believe it, and that's what makes this all so hard for him. I don't want to hurt him anymore. But it's hard to fix something broken like this, and now I can feel it for real. But I really want to put in the effort to fix it. No more excuses. No more lies. I want us together and I want us real. "What do I need to do to prove it's over?" I ask him.

He grimaces. "Don't say that."

"What?"

"I don't want you to prove to me it's over." He frowns. "Why should you have to prove it? I want to trust you."

I look away. He's right. That's what a relationship is supposed to be built on, and if I want this to work, he needs to be able to trust me.

"Can I trust you?"

His voice surprises me. I didn't expect him to mean it right now. I lift my head up and meet his eyes staring into mine. Every lie I've told Harry and every time I've held the truth from him comes to mind. Can he trust me? Have I changed at all?

"Yes," I say quietly. Carefully I decide my next words while Harry eagerly anticipates them. I look into his eyes, and with as much truth as I can form, I say, "Zayn and I are over."

After saying those five simple words, Harry looks away from me, and I from him. I don't know if he believes me. I am being honest, but it is laced with so much doubt that I would be surprised if he did. I glance up at the poor boy who is searching the floor for somewhere to look, playing with the spoon in the bowl of soggy cereal he is still holding.