Just Through The Window. |FRERARD| COMPLETED|

Maybe im just shit.

I've been up all night thinking and smoking the packs of cigarettes I've collected from frank over the years.

Everything was starting to become light again. The sun was raising over the houses and turning the sky a baby blue with dyed pinks and burnt oranges. There was a place that I always thought about when ever I saw the sun rise or set. I remember seeing it in a movie. It was the top of a church as a silhouette with the sun rise behind it. It was such a pretty sight.

A noise coming from down stairs drew me out of my thoughts. Something broke. I knew it was dad. I heard heavy steps on the stairs and I knew he was coming to me. I slid my cigarettes under my bed along with my sketchbook and lighter. Then the door busted open.

"You! You little shit you left stuff on the counter fucking idiot! Go clean it up!" He growled.

"Im sorry but I didn't leave anything out." I said calmly.

"What the fuck did you just say?! I know it's down there don't fuck around with me!"

"But I put it all away."

"Maybe in your fucking mind you did. Dumbass."

And with that he left. I know I cleaned up the coffee from yesterday. I did it after I made it. I put everything back where it was from. I don't understand why he gets so angry at me for things. He's not even drunk this time. He just hates me.

I sighed and looked back out the window. Watching the sun go higher in the sky. I wanted to play music and sleep. I grabbed a CD and put it into the stereo under my bed turning it up to a soft hum. I haven't a clue where frank is right now. I just hope we talk soon.

After a few albums had played making white noise for me I heard it. The simple sound that I always loved hearing. That tap. I smiled and ran to the window.

There he was sitting there smiling. My smile went away but I was ecstatic. He was sat there in his redshirt and black striped sweater. His hair was messy and his eyes were bright. They almost looked like flames burning wood into ash. There were sparks of embers lightning here and there in his iris, making it glow.

"Hi." His eyes grew just a little brighter when he said that. Almost as if someone had put in another log to the fire.

"Hi" I said while a soft smile took over my face.

"How have you been Gee? Has everything been okay?"

"Yeah. How about you?"

"I've been okay. I saw a squirrel the other day. He ran up to me cause I had sunflower seeds. I gave him one and he ate it and it was so adorable."

With every word he said I held on to; knowing we might not talk again for a while.

"Mm sounds like it."

He looked at me for a second. Staring deeply into my eyes. Almost as if he was searching for something. When his face fell a bit, I knew he hadn't found what he was looking for. Maybe he was looking for gold? Golden happiness inside a dark and deserted cave. A cave with stalagmites and stalactites dripping acid. A cave holding no sign of life let alone golden treasure. He wouldn't be able to find what he was looking for as long as he looks at me.

Then he spoke up. "Are you sure you're okay? You aren't talking that much. You usually don't talk much though but even less than normal. Is everything okay??"

Concern. Laced through this hair. Weaving through each and every strand.

"Yeah just super tired, I didn't sleep last night."

His face turned into understanding. Then it was silent.

I looked around at anything but his window. Searching to find something to focus on. I saw a little puppy on a leash with a toddler and two parents walking. They were clam and talking. Both hand in hand with the young girl. They looked happy together. One was tall and lanky with medium length hair and the other a little chubbier but still skinny with short hair. It was two women. I knew they were a couple by the way the looked at each other. There was a sense of love and euphoria. They looked sweetly at one another. Smiling and blushing. Being gentle with the little girl and puppy. It was a beautiful sight to see such a happy family.

"So what have you been doing these past days? Anything fun?" I asked him softly, still staring out into the street.

I heard movement, so I looked over. He was now sat down all the way and not just on his knees. His eyes no longer holding a fire, but the aftermath. Hazy ashes and embers floating around. Like a building that just burnt to the ground. Dull nothingness. Only a slight memory of what used to be.

"Nothing really, just going for walks through the forest. Sometimes I'd bring my knife to carve stuff into trees, I never did though. I just thought about doing it."

In a way if he had carved into a tree he'd be leaving a permanent mark on the world. Such a subtle mark but a mark all the same. It would be on the tree for as long as the tree will be on this earth. When the tree gets cut down, it'll be made into paper. The mark will be that paper. Someone will write all over it, destroying a perfect mark that once had been. Then it would be recycled into something. Maybe more. Maybe less. Who knows where the mark would end up. In some classroom? In a bin? In a hamsters cage? Only time would tell the story of a mark that hasn't been made.

"Why didn't you?"

"I wanted to wait until I had someone to do it with."

He looked up at me and there was a spark. The fire igniting once again. The longer we held eye contact, the more the fire flared. It burned like a forest fire right before he looked away from me.

"Mm that makes sense." I look at the clouds covering the sky. Dark grey against light blue and yellow. It was gonna pour soon. You could smell it in the air.

"Gee?" I hear.

"Hmm?" Was all I replied with. Never taking my gaze from the clouds moving in.

"What would happen if you asked to go out?"

I swear at that moment my heart stopped. I froze solid. My body stiff and shoulders tense. I couldn't tell him. I've hidden it for so long. I can't tell him about the yelling and mental abuse. The objects shattering and clanking against the floor. How such a quiet house, is riddled with terrible things.

"I-i don't know." My voice cracked when I stuttered. Making it obvious that I did know. I fully well knew why. Hopefully, though, he will catch on.

I was scared to look at him. I feared rejection and anger and negativity from frank. It scared me to know that it was aimed at me. So I never looked at people in the eyes for longer than 15 seconds unless it was something special.

I heard drops of water falling now. Hitting everything with a soft noise. Soft and gentle. It sounded far away even though it was right out the window.

"Okay." He said softly. I looked at him and he was focused on something else. He looked like he was thinking. Maybe I might have said something.

"I gotta go gee. I'll talk sometime later."

I gave a small wave and he left. Maybe he's mad. Or maybe I'm just shit.
☆

So idk I'm bad at updates but I'm trying. I got school now and lots of homework so that might interfere but if I can't get the chapters out on week days then I'll get them out on weekends. I'm also in a little bit of a writers block but I think Im getting through it. So stay tuned for updates if you want to.
-g☆٩( ᐛ )و