Special Boy // phan

-18-

(Thanks to @lilacstories for the amazing(Phil) phanart!!!)

Something I should ask Phil?" I asked incredulously, gazing at my mum. She bit her lip and looked away. The video feed of my mother was silent for a minute. I took the opportunity to move from the balcony to my bed, propping my phone up on a pillow so I could talk to my mum hands free.

She took a deep breath, and thought for a final second before beginning.

"Do you remember Troye's funeral?" she asked softly. I was taken aback for a few moments. My mum and I never, ever talked directly about Troye. We hadn't uttered his name in a very long time, since he died at least. It was a crazy shock to hear his name out loud.

Troye wasn't the best person, and certainly wasn't the best boyfriend. But his death still rattled me. He was one of the only people to really love me.

At least, that's what he told me.

Troye was very, very protective of me, to the point it got concerning. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him unless I was with my family, and even then I had to keep him updated about where I was and what I was doing every second I could. He constantly needed me to tell him that I was feeling okay, to the point that I never wanted to tell him that I wasn't. In the beginning, it was cute that he loved me so much. But then I got scared. Scared that he would use his power on me if I did something wrong.

And one day, he did.

Troye had a very interesting power. He had what he called a "strong voice", something that should have been considered Bad. He only ever used it on me once, and to my knowledge only ever used it three times total, so the government couldn't catch him. But it was bad. It was Bad. I was constantly afraid, after his concern became concerning in itself, that he'd use it on me. I knew he would. I knew it was only a matter of time before his temper snapped and he started to speak in a low voice.

He described how it worked to me once, when we first got together and the love was still mutual. He spoke in a low voice, and he could say anything he wanted, as long as he was looking directly at the person he wanted to use it on. He would mumble until this sort of buzzing feeling started building up in the victim's stomach. It wasn't entirely unpleasant in the first few seconds, I learned after my experience with it, but then it snaps. It explodes into what feels like a million bolts of electricity rippling through your body, lighting all of your nerve endings on fire. You feel the urge to hurt yourself, do something to make the pain leave your body. He laughed after he explained it, slightly tipsy from the illegal booze we had smuggled to the park late at night, gazing up at the stars. I hadn't told him about my power, or lack thereof, but he didn't once mention it. That, I think, was the only reason I ended up staying with him.

That, and the fear.

I rubbed the scar on my collarbone as my mum nodded.

"It would be better if he told you but... I think it might be easier coming from me." I narrowed my eyes.

"Mum?" I asked, and she looked away.

"You got drunk after his funeral, Dan. And an Angel came to rescue you. The Angel. Phil... Phil came to take you home. And...." She couldn't finish, she just closed her mouth. I was still confused. I had met Phil before? Why hadn't he told me?

"Mum?" I felt like a broken record as fear started building up in my stomach. My mum and I had never had secrets. It had been a very long time since Troye died. Had she really been holding this from me for that long?

"He took you home and you were drunk and he... well you kissed and... one thing lead to another..." My stomach dropped.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

"Mum... how... how do you know this?" My voice felt like I was talking through a tunnel.

I knew what she meant. I put my hand on the sheets beneath me. Here?

"You told me. You were completely drunk, Danny. You couldn't speak straight. But you told me and Chris and PJ, and Phil just... disappeared for a few weeks. You never said anything about it later, and the three of us never said anything, and Phil never said anything, we-"

"What the fuck?" I whispered, cutting her off. My mum shut her mouth tightly. I never, ever, cuss in front of my mother. So she knew how I felt. She knew that I wasn't taking it very well.

"I... we slept together?" I asked, staring at my hands. "I was wasted and we... we..." My hands started shaking and my vision started blurring with tears.

"I'm sorry Dan." I shook my head.

"I'm hanging up," I whispered, my voice hoarse. She just nodded.

"I love you." I terminated the call as fast as my fingers could move, and dropped my phone like it had burned me. I pressed soft fingers to my lips.

Phil said he knew nothing about me. But he knew me more intimately than every single person on earth. I probably would never forgive him.

You will, a nagging voice in the back of my head said. You're a wuss, and you always forgive bastards like him. I set my jaw, and got up from the bed so fast that stars appeared in my vision. I only knew one way to silence the thoughts that spun through my head so quickly that it made me dizzy.

I knew exactly where Greg kept his booze. So I was going to drown these surfacing memories until they suffocated and never showed themselves again.