Other Side

Chapter 7

" Will she be okay? " Dave asked. " I don't know," Kurt replied in a monotone voice. " Hey, Kurt." Dave catechized. " Hmm?" Kurt lowered his head. " What did Holly mean when she said something about my best friends dick in her mouth?" at this point, I was awake. But I didn't want them to know this, I wanted them to leave so I could cry alone. "I don't know." my eyes opened a little bit, enough to see but not enough for them to see they were open. " What do you mean you don't know? Did you guys have sex?" Kurt's head turned towards mine then back at Dave's. " Wel-" I threw myself up, the IV tore my skin and started bleeding but I chose to ignore it. " Yes. We did." my hazel eyes turned dark due to the anger that was boiling in my veins. Dave and Kurt both shot up in their seats and stared at me in awe. " What?" Dave's voice cracked, he was holding back tears. Then, his eyebrows furrowed out of confusion, them to sadness, then anger. " We had sex. Kurt and I fucked. And Dave, I was going to tell you. I wouldn't just let it happen. And the night I left, was because I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep letting Kurt get his hands on me. Cause him and I didn't have sex once, we had sex multiple times. Each time though, we swore it would be our last. But the night I left, Kurt wanted to have sex. We were about to, but it clicked in my brain that what we were doing was wrong. It wasn't out of love either, it was because I was lonely. You were always too busy getting drunk, telling me you were going to sleep with other girls, saying you slept with other girls. So, I slept with Kurt. It was supposed to be a one time thing but it just kept happening. I wasn't alone all these months though. When I left, I went to some park thing and some guy Miles found me and let me stay with him all this time. Later, I came to find out he did heroin and other drugs. Tried them myself, became a heroin addict, experimented with other drugs like coke and LSD, loved them by the way," I winked. " and during all of this, I was hoping one of you would try to reach out to me or search for me. But you guys didn't, and I respect that. So, I started sleeping with Miles. Not because I loved him or anything, but because I wanted heroin. I needed it. It was the only thing that I thought about anymore, I couldn't breathe without it. And I knew if I just kept using heroin with Miles and didn't give him anything, he'd catch on to the fact that I was only around anymore because he was my only heroin source. Which led me to have sex with him, because I knew he had feelings for me. One night, when him and I were high as hell on who knows what! He told me he loved me, and that he wanted me to live with him forever and never go back home to you guys. So I took that as an opportunity to get heroin. That's when him and I first fucked. The following days were mainly just me craving heroin and freaking out in the room all day because Miles wouldn't give me the dealer and he was trying to get me to quit. The withdrawals. The fucking withdrawals man, those are the worst," even the mere thought of the withdrawals sent a chill down my spine. " then, one day he was high. It was after we had sex, and he started choking. His vomit was everywhere, at that point I knew he had overdosed so I called 911. They did nothing at first, but he stopped choking and laid in the bed peacefully so I hung up with 911 and went over to the bed. Shook him a couple of times, lied and said I loved him and all of that sappy shit you're supposed to say when someone you love almost dies. But I never got a response out of him, freaked out a bit then dialed 911. When they came I sat there not knowing what to feel when they carried his body away in a black bag cause he was pronounced dead. I couldn't live without him, I came to realize. Soon after his death, a week or so after. I managed to figure out his dealer, scored myself some heroin and cocaine, did both of those. Then one day, I woke up and couldn't take it anymore. I threw myself in front of a bus, but it didn't hit me. So the next day I was going to throw myself off of a building, but I pussied out... Then today, I don't know what came over me. I was really determined to die, i'm just so fed up. Fed up with not knowing what I really feel, fed up with not knowing who the fuck I am anymore. I want to be Holly again," a sob escaped my mouth, and tears flew down my face like a waterfall. " I want to be the sweet, girl. The girl who loved everyone, the girl who would still come back to you even if you betrayed her. The girl who stayed away from drugs and alcohol and all of that bad shit. But now I'm a disgusting heroin addict, who's somehow become a fucking whore." Dave and Kurt both had a saddened expression. " and so, I went to the bridge. And threw myself over. Now I'm here, telling you guys about these past months as I sit here cry-" I couldn't even finish the sentence. Tears flew down my cheeks, and a bellow escaped my mouth. Dave got up and sat next to me on the bed. " Holly, I love you. I've always loved you. I'll never stop loving you. Your choices these past months have not made me love you any less than I did when we first met. You'll always be the love of my life. No matter what. I'm staying with you forever." As much as I wanted to accept what he was saying as the truth, I couldn't. "Don't promise you're going to stay
you're not going to stay, or im not, who knows, either or. Something will tear us apart and thats just how it is. That's just how it goes. Love wasn't built to last, neither were we. I know you think you love me right now and i'm sure you do, but you won't . Love will never outlive us. There is far too much time left for us to love each other for all of it no matter how hard we try. One of us is going to fall for someone else. Maybe fifty, or a hundred other people. Maybe we'll start breaking each other's bones and trying to fix them with kisses that taste empty, cold tongues, and bleeding lips. You wont always love me, you can't, there's no way. So please don't promise me that you'll stay. You won't and you're not made to." He got up from the hospital bed, let go of my hand and looked at me with pain in his eyes. " What are you saying Holly?" I smiled slightly, looked him in the eyes and said," I'm saying, this is it Dave. Our love is over." he didn't even respond, he grabbed his stuff and walked out of the room. " Holly, what the hell?" Kurt rose from his seat and went to leave as well. " Kurt, wait!" Kurt's blonde mop whipped around so gracefully, his blue eyes staring deeply into my hazel ones. " It's you Kurt. It's been you. You're the only person that's been on my mind these past months. You know, I've kept the cigarette box I stole from you in my back pocket and smelled it every time I needed to be reminded of your scent," a smile formed upon both of our mouths, he took a deep breath and sat next to me on the hospital bed. " I spent a lot of nights crying over you, wishing that every time I had sex with Miles that it would be with you instead. That we would be helping each other get off of heroin, instead of Miles locking me in a room to go crazy all day," I cleared my throat and pushed a hair behind my ear. " Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, is that I love you Kurt." his lips crashed against mine. Our hands intertwined in each other's hair, every minute or so our hands would explore each other's bodies. But before it could go too far, he leaned away. " I love you too, Holly." with that, he kissed me on the forehead and headed out of the hospital room. That night I went to sleep smiling, instead of crying like every night these past months.