Other Side

Chapter 7

They told me to kill myself, but they didn't realize I was already dead.
They told me to be happy, But I knew that wouldn't happen

So I walked in front of a bus, But it didn't hit me.
So I tried to jump off a building, but I was too afraid to take the step

I realized I was too weak to kill myself,
I realized I was a failure at that too
I realized that if I can't even die right
I would never amount to anything

I found someone, someone I liked. But then I messed them up too.
I wanted to make them happy. But I never will now

I thought that I'd be somebody, I thought that I'd help people, I thought that life would be fun, I didn't think I'd feel like this

But here we are, faking smiles. But here we are, dead inside. But here we are, slowly rotting.

The bridge over the highway. I'll leave and I won't come back. You'll wonder where I've gone. But I'll be thirty miles away. Looking over the edge where I'll finally step off.
Oh no, I've done it this time. See I've tried to live, I've tried to make myself better, but it never works. I never get better. I'm falling, and I feel weightless. My problems are gone, the weight is off my shoulders. I'm sorry for dragging you down, I'm sorry for all the pain
But don't you worry, It's over, my sweet darling. I'll plunge into the night. Don't you feel bad, because this time, it's all me. I've done it this time, there's no looking back. No more running away. No more hiding the pain. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle the pain, I couldn't handle life, I couldn't handle myself
No no-no, I've done it this time, but don't you worry,
I'll make it look like an accident
The wind blew me off,
I must have slipped
So don't you worry, my Sweet darling
You'll be better off, no one to drag you down, no one to disappoint you,
no one to fail you. Don't you worry, it's all better now.

My hand trembled violently as I peered over the edge of the bridge on the highway, cars drove past but didn't pay much attention. I was gonna do it. Then everything would be okay, you would be happy.

I hate you for changing me, for twisting my morals. I hate you for scarring me. But most of all, I hate myself for putting myself into this situation. I hate that you tried to drown my fire and I was still concerned if you had enough to breathe. There were always moments where I tried to convince myself that I loved you, that I wasn't with you for the heroin. But, that's what junkies do. Use everyone to get what they want. It didn't take long for me to become addicted to heroin, not as long as I thought it would take that is.
I swallowed hard before taking one more look around the bridge and the cars racing across it, none stopping to keep me from taking my life. Before I knew it, my hands left the bridge, and I leaned forward. I accepted the fact that this would be the last time I breathe, eat or even exist.

Suddenly, I felt something grab on to my wrist tightly. Lashing my head back to see what was gripping my wrist, what I see made me tense up. It felt as if my lungs collapsed. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't think. His eyes... His oceans were staring into my soul intently. I was drowning. "Let me go!" I screeched. " No! Holly, you don't have to do this!" Kurt yelled back. " Yes I do Kurt!" my throat was killing me, my head was killing me, my stomach was in circles. " Holly, step off. I need you, Dave needs you. We all need you." his voice almost reassured me, I almost thought for a split second he was being completely honest, that if I were to step off of this ledge on the bridge he'd hold me until everything was okay again, that if I were to step off the ledge on this bridge and get into the car with him and Dave, that I'd go back home and never crave the euphoric feeling of complete and utter bliss heroin gives me, and the rush of cocaine. So, with that, I wiped a tear from my cheek with my free hand, glanced at Dave, then stared at Kurt with an emotionless glare. " No. " I shook my hand out of his and threw myself off the bridge. " Holly!!" those were the last words that echoed through my eardrums.
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