Wild Love

06.

Matt

Damn Matt, there you go again hurting people you love.

I shook my head, disappointed in myself. I went in my room and grabbed the bag of my valuables taking it to the bathroom with me.

I opened the zipper and pulled out the small box full of addiction that has taken over my life. The box that causes me to scratch uncontrollably, but somehow gives me relief. This box forces me to stay covered and has made my body a canvas, a canvas of scars, and scabs. A canvas of blood. This box has caused me to near death but release my emotions. I love and hate this box all at the same time.

I hurried and locked the door, before opening the box, exposing all of my tools that I use to relieve myself.

Pulled out the razor blade on top sitting it on the counter top before pulling down my tight black blue jeans revealing my scarred and scabbed thighs, the place I use, see, and hate the most about myself. Picking the blade back up I let out a shaky breath before cutting back on an old scar, going a little deeper than the last time, I started to go deeper but my fear beat me to the race, making me stop. The blood rushed out letting my old feelings out and the new ones in, soon to be locked by a scab.

I hurried and covered it with a bandage before cleaning all traces of my encounter from the bathroom. I put my box back in the bag it came from before getting ready for the Wild N' Out pool party that we were having at the hotel pool, since it was so cool Nick just rented it out.

I didn't want to go, but he made it a requirement for everyone to go, so now I have to go and put on a mask, as well as try and keep my scars hidden.

I put on a pair of plain blue trunks on over my Calvins, and a white shirt, before heading out to meet with my roomies.

I walk out into the living room and Emmanuel is sitting on the couch waiting. I sat down asking him what he was waiting for.

"M, over here being a girl and taking forever." Who is M, please tell me this isn't what I think.

"Who." He starts to think before turning a light red.

"Oh, Milani. Sorry." I nod trying hard not to roll my eyes, but hide the hurt at the same time.

After some time waiting she walks out with some jean shorts and a bikini top on. I look her over quickly looking away so she doesn't notice. Her and Emmanuel exchange some words and she flushes red before we leave towards the pool.

As we were walking she nudged me. I looked down into her eyes, seeing hurt, question, love, and brokenness. I motion for her to talk.

"Why'd you like my picture?" Her voice still sounds hoarse, I just want to confess my feelings and cuddle her forever.

"It's all part of the act." I state before walking faster leaving her behind. Then I hear giggles and stomping, I look back and she's on Emmanuel's back and looks happy, like really happy.

He makes her happy.

I roll my eyes and make it a goal to smash someone by the end of the night.  I start walking faster trying to loose them. When I finally make it to the pool there's already a lit party happening.

I head straight over to the bar and find my man D.C. after dapping him up we get a few drinks trying to loosen up. I look around and see all of the cast, lots of ass, and hot girls in swimsuits.

After a few drinks D.C. and I end up in the middle of a twerking contest, I guess you could call me happy.

The whole night I was having a good time but I couldn't get her off my mind, and seeing her having a good time with Emmanuel made it all worse.

Almost halfway through the night I was sitting around with a decent girl and we were just talking, well she was I was trying to reel her in.

She ended up with her hand rubbing my thigh, I paid it no mind until Milani and I made eye contact from across the pool, and the girl was paying more and more attention to the spot I was trying to hide.

I pushed her hand away startling her, she jumped and gave me an odd look.

"What are you doing?" She asked looking mad.

"Nothing. That was getting uncomfortable."

She nodded and pulled my hand taking me towards the pool exit and lead me towards the elevators.

We went up to my floor and I lead the way to the room, i guess you could call the rest history.

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i feel so horrible for not updating, but like i said last chapter these's just a lot going on, and i apologize. hope you like the chapter, give me feedback. also, im going to double update so be looking for another chapter(:

•blakely

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