Through Your Eyes [SAMPLE] ✓

19 • Beneath Skin & Bones

» тнey call мe oвѕervanт. тнaт'ѕ noт parтιcυlarly тrυe.
people are eaѕy тo read — we вleed eмoтιonѕ even ιn тнe way we drιnĸ oυr coғғee.  
no one ѕeeмѕ тo noтιce тнoυgн. тнey're all тoo вυѕy drιnĸιng тнeιr own daмn coғғee.  «

—anonymous

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Chapter Nineteen

      Carmen thought her shoulder blades had turned to dust and that her spine wasn’t heavy bone but a river of still water because of the way she felt so light and unburdened.

      Her lips stretched into a wide smile as she strolled into school the next day, seeing past the bodies walking in front of her and instead watching the scene materialise before her eyes of when Asa had reached into his backpack and handed over her art journal.

      How simply wonderful and terrifying was it that when she’d defended Isla she’d believed she didn’t deserve any of that kindness back, but only hours later Asa had walked up to her and told her exactly the opposite? He’d said ‘what goes around comes around’ like he was telling her that it’s okay, Carmen, I’ve seen you be kind to everybody and here’s some of it for you. As if he was blind to the chaos she carried in her bones.

      Don’t kid yourself, Carmen, she told herself. Asa didn’t notice her random acts because he watched her from the side-lines; he noticed because he was right there that day in the cafeteria and he must have felt obligated to do something in return.

      Carmen couldn’t expect everyone to be like her, could she? Just because she admired his brave heart when he took a stance and stood up for the things he believed in, didn’t mean he did the same in return. She observed, yes, but that didn’t necessarily mean she was observed in return.

      But, for the most part, she felt relieved. She felt this unusual sort of bliss. Because no, Asa hadn’t turned out to be a complete jerk. He actually had decency and even though what he did must have been just a random act of niceness in his eyes, it was much more for her. And she found herself wondering if perhaps Asa’s heart was made of the same beautiful gold his skin was painted in.

      For one painful moment, his eyes flashed before hers. Eyes that were anything but an ordinary brown. And she recalled that hint of desperation, that look of exhaustion when he thought no one was looking. The kind of exhaustion that was more than just needing to sleep— the kind of exhaustion that ran bone deep and made one’s soul tired.

      And despite her better judgment, Carmen turned around and began walking towards the direction of the lockers instead.

      Who was she to question his feelings for Willa? If he wanted her help, then she was willing to offer it. More so now than ever.

      If his heart-warming act of doing the right thing at the cost of what he wanted was any indication of the kind of person he was— if it was but the tiniest peak into his soul, then Carmen would like to be there for the entirety of it. She’d like to be there to see what he looked like beneath the skin and the bones.

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I know this is short, but don't worry. Im not that cruel, haha
This chapter had to end here, and there's another chapter coming along in a little while :))

Thank you for reading ❤

(Ps- attached in the multimedia section is a an excerpt of Lana's song Carmen and I thought those particular verses fitted her really well, except for the liquor part ofc)

+ thank you to Manna, who helped with the phrasing of a certain sentence i struggled with :)