Holding on

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The sirens wailed as the ambulance showed up at my house. You are probably wondering how am I alive to write this. Well, life hadn't done giving me shit. I cut my wrist but before I could do the other one, I slipped and fell of the bed. My mom rushed and saw me on the floor. 5 hours later I wake up in a bed with my mom sleeping on the chair at my bed side.
Days passed and my parents were now getting really involved in my life. I still did not tell them everything. They tried their very best but I was so dead inside that I was just going insane. School started and there was a welcome poster and prayers collage on the wall. The amount of faking on a piece of paper hurt me more than the time I tried to kill myself. All these people had put up cards. It was like putting your lying skinned faces in the wall with a smile to make you feel welcomed. I was getting a lot of attention. Like every person, I enjoyed it until it got weird. People started insulting me. I was a joke essence for taking my life. This drove me crazy.
I spent a whole year like this and picked up the hobby of punching walls and drawing smybols on my arm with a paper-cutter. I became what you people call "emo" and started outcasting myself. I became addicted to self harm and it started feeling good. I was mentally relieving myself but it came at the cost of bruises on me. I once cut across my arm and incurred 12 stitches. I even went on a date during this period. It went somewhere till she broke up with me coz her friends thought I wasn't handsome enough. Instead of feeling bad for me, I felt bad for her. She was tied under the strings of her friends. I had cut mine but I soon realised that some of these strings once had got my shit together. I was in 11th grade now and everything was normal. Self harm was recurring and loneliness drastically increased. I somehow got a whole group of friends and we got along really good until there was a misunderstanding and I fucked it up. This hurt me like a rock. I was so broken that I cut my hair and eye lashes to look different. Depression got the best of me and I got involved in some serious drugs. I stopped myself eventually but it took a big toll on me. I now planned my grand end. Everything shattered and melted like my heart. I had an operation for sinus and I thought I was gonna fuck it up so I can die. I lied down on the bed as I was injected with anesthesia. The doctors left for me to fall asleep. I was barely conscious as I removed a pin that I had tucked into the bed. The pin was rusted and I pushed it inside my body where the injection was. The doctors came and injected the saline. The saline increased the rust flow into my blood stream easily. I soon feel unconscious after the anesthesia hoping to never wake up......

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