The money, drugs, and temptation - my life on the bad side

Eating at your soul

Kiki seems off as I run up to her room, crying at her to pack her bags and come home, as she keeps on looking around and asking me where Andrew is. I try desperately to explain to her that Andrew cannot hurt her or treat her like a slave anymore, but she doesn't understand until her new dresses and shoes are all gathered into two large suitcases, I grab my stupid - now very fat - cat from under the dresser and carry each of them out in an arm. While Leopard spirms in my hold Kiki gently lays her head on my shoulder and her wet tears drip through the thin material of Andrew's shirt. 

She begins to understand as I continue telling her that we are going home, that Andrew can no longer harm her, that he can't touch her anymore, and when we stop off at our favourite little coffee shop, Black Tie, for a hot drink with Leopard hidden in my sweater, she begins to sob, clinging to me tightly for what seems like an hour. I don't mind, it's so good to have my baby girl back I never want to let her go again.

Leaning over carefully so as to not disturb her I grab her hot chocolate and take a sip of it. 

"Kiki, your drink is cooled down, do you want to have some?" I ask her quietly. She nods weakly and slides around so she is sitting on my lap facing the window. Carefully, she picks up the cup in her hands and takes a slow drink of it. 

"Lala," Kiki begins, "why did you leave me?"

My heart sinks, trying desperately to discover an answer which will satisfy a five year old.

"I.... I..." I stumble over words until finally i just sigh and tell her; "Kiki, sometimes people that you love have to do things to keep you safe. Sometimes, even though it hurts a lot, it's better than the alternitive. But it won't happen again. I swear to you."

She looks at me, her wide eyes briming with tears. "Does that mean Grammy will come back?"

My heart misses a beat and involentarly I look away from her. "I don't know, Kiki. I don't know if Grammy will ever come back." tears leak from my eyes as I squeeze Kiki close. After a few moments we manage to collect our berings, finish our drinks and leave.

On the way home I explain to my sister that we have people living with us now, a new friend her age which got her very excited - "She will be like my twin!" - and two more who are older, like me. She was confused about them, and when I asked her why she seemed so concerened she simply said, "Well you are supposed to be like my mommy. If they are the same age as you then who is going to be my mommy?"

I have to think for a moment, before swinging her up into my arms and kissing her lovingly. "I will always be there for you when you really need me. But if you have something to ask and I am not with you then you can ask Cocoa or Trina."

"You are going again?" she cries, looking up to me and throwing her arms around my neck.

"No!" I exclaim, holding her tightly. "It's just if I have to run out for a minute.... never mind. Let's not worry about that now. You can stay with me, I promise."

She calms back down and we finish our walk home in silence, everything seeming perfect besides the bar of lead sitting in my coat pocket. 

I decided not to tell the girls of my contract with Andrew... not yet, at least. If I can find a way out of it by myself then we will all be better off. Until then I should be able to keep them from noticing anything by claiming I have found a job. Which is tecnically not a lie.

Taking the spare key from beneath the front mat and making a mental note to make copies for each of the girls, I unlock the front door and push it open. Immediately Leopard leaps from my arms, skitters around before dashing upstairs and, I suppose, back under my dresser.