The Reason For Grace (Sequel to A Reason To Stay)

Chapter 31

Alone in her bedroom with only Grace as company she stared down at the little darling in her arms. How could Joshua say those things? How could he speak about their daughter like that.... He didn't even seem the least bit upset about it.  How could he expect her to take her out of the house and off of the farm with people like Gertrude Banks walking around. Payton touched the flat area between Grace's eyes and traced the her tiny features with her finger. Tears spilled over her eyes. She just couldn't imagine a world where Grace wouldn't have a chance to have the same things as Hannah.

It simply wasn't fair! How could God allow one child to have so much and the other be denied the simplest pleasures in life. How could Payton go on if she didn't believe that Grace would one day be fine. She would simply outgrow this stage and grow and mature as her other three children had. She couldn't imagine a life for Grace that didn't include falling in love and getting married and raising a family of her own. She couldn't imagine sending her off to some awful place where people valued her life as little as Gertrude Banks.

Payton lay Grace down on the bed and watched her... She didn't even try to roll. She remembered that her other children were learning they had voices by now. They would make little "Oooo" and "Ahhh" noises and get excited when they realized they were coming from their own voice. She could remember that at three months Tommy was rolling from one side to the other with ease and was even laughing out loud. Grace had just smiled for the first time a week ago.

Payton knew that Joshua was right about Grace being special but she couldn't see any reason for it. Why would God do this to their family? Why would he send them such a trial. She didn't know anyone who was like Grace. She had known some girls back home who were considered "simple." Even a young man here in town who never seemed to really grow up but he was smart enough to get a job and even had recently married. For some reason or another Payton just couldn't see Grace as an adult with a "normal" life... That bothered her more than anything else.

She lay down next to Grace who was yawning. Payton pulled her over to her and let her nurse herself to sleep. When Grace had finished and was fast asleep Payton gathered her wits and her strength and decided to face Joshua again. She didn't know what to say but she couldn't admit that something wasn't right. It just seemed like if she did she somehow failed Grace.

Joshua was still sitting at the table when she came down the stairs. He didn't turn when she approached so she went around to the other side of the table and sat down. His eyes were closed and his hand was resting on the closed bible sitting on the table in front of him.

She waited for him to open his eyes and when he did she gathered her courage. "I'm sorry I said you were just as bad as Mrs. Banks." Payton said because she was sorry. She knew Joshua loved their daughter. It was his only child by blood after all. "I know you love Grace. I just don't understand how you can say the things you said."

Joshua sighed, God had given him a new direction to go with. He had revealed it to him as he sat at the table eating his meal alone. Something he hadn't done since he and Payton had married. "Payton I want to ask you something and you have to be honest."

"I'm honest!" she said defensively.

"I know you are but I want you to answer me with a simple yes or no. Okay?"

"Okay." she said waiting for his question.

"Have you ever thought that something might be a little different or off with Grace?"

"I.."

"yes or no?"

"Yes." she said, twisting her apron in her hands, wanting to give an explanation but she didn't have the time. Joshua flew into the next question.

"Have you ever been worried about what kind of life she would live?"

"Yes." she was getting angry. He should let her explain and so she jumped forward with her explanation, "But I worry about all of our children."

"I know you do, Love. I do to but I mean do you worry about Grace in a way you have never worried about the other children before?"

Payton stared at him. She couldn't answer that question. Finally after a long moment and a lot of thought she said, "I worry differently about each one of my kids, Joshua."

Joshua nodded his head, his hand cupping his mouth and chin. His eyes closed slowly and she could tell he was thinking about whatever it was he was about to say... he was turning the words over in his head the way he turns over the soil with the plow... She watched him and waited.

"I've been trying to listen to the Lord about this, Payton." he told her opening his eyes and leaning forward. He took her hand in his. "I love you, Payton. I love our home and our little family but I love the Lord more... There was a time you would agree with me. I think you've lost your first love. At one time in your life Payton you could hear God when he spoke to you and you would listen. You talked to him and told him the things you hid from everyone else but now I believe you are hiding it from him also. He wants to help you with this. I wish you would open your heart to him again.... He will make this trial easier to bear. He wants to help us bear our heavy load and when the load is to heavy and we can't go on if we let Him; He will carry us until we are ready to walk again...." He reach up and touched her face..."Jeremiah 29:11 and 12 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall you call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me and I will hearken unto you."

Payton sighed and looked away.

"He's still there, Payton... He's waiting on you... 2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all Grace abound toward you;"

Payton pushed his hand away from her. "I don't feel like praying to a God who made a baby, my baby, so that she could never enjoy life as we know it."

Joshua sighed and shook  his head, "Payton, that's just it... 'Life as we know it.' Maybe God wants us to see life in a different way.... Life as Grace will know it." He said all of this with a smile.

Payton scooted back in her chair, the legs scraped against the wooden floor causing a screeching sound that hurt her ears. She stood and looking down on her husband, the man she adored and loved she said, "I don't care if you continue to take the kids to church services but I won't be attending. I'm done with that."

She started to walk away and Joshua said, "I'll never make you go but I want you to know that Grace will be joining us for services. This Sunday. With OR with out you..."

Payton's anger flared, "NO! You can't do that. You can't take her! She needs me!"

"Then you can come."

"No! I'm not going and neither is Grace!" she stomped her foot to drive her point home.

Up until this point Joshua had stayed seated and kept his back to his wife. Now, he stood and slowly turned to her. He was the one looking down on her now. "Grace is my daughter to and I am the head of this family. My children, ALL of them will be in church services with me come next Sunday. You have a whole week to decide if you will join us or not. You are wanted and welcome to come but as I just said, I won't make you and regardless if you go or stay Grace will be going."

He placed his hat on his head and made his way to the door.

His footsteps were heavy to Payton's ears and when he shut the door she jumped at the noise it made. Her own heart was drumming in her ears. Her mind was racing as what to do. Her first thought was to run. Take Grace and run! She quickly shook that thought off, she had three other children who needed her and no matter how upset she was with Joshua she could never run from him. She had a week to change his mind or find an excuse for Grace to stay home... She would find that excuse!