When Things Get Complicated

"So we've reached that point."

"Where do you sit at lunch?" I asked as soon as the door had closed behind us.

"I sit with Seohyun behind the shed at the back of the school." I hadn't even noticed Seohyun's absence from the table at lunch.

We were both out of breath after running from our last class, which we share, to the boys' locker room. Since the game was cancelled due to the rain, no one would be in here and we couldn't do it at one of our houses. For once, my parents are home, taking a break from their continuous business trips to rest. His parents are usually home, anyway, and we almost never go to his house.

Even though we're both pretty confident no one will come into the locker room, there's no way to be sure. Instead of doing this out in the open, we both get into the nearest shower, pulling the curtain over the door and turning the water on full blast to drown out the noises we're making.

The first thing he does is press me against the cold tiles to rid me of my clothes, pinning my arms to the wall by my wrists. The water is pointing right at us and our clothes are soaked, mine on the floor and his still on his body.

"Take your fucking clothes off." I whine, aggravated that he always does shit like this. It's definitely some sort of power thing, something he does to embarrass me. He's usually much nicer, acts more innocent around me, but when we're in situations like this, he can get... would the word be kinky?

His teasing works quickly and I start pulling at his shirt until he complies, raising his arms above his head. His pants come off next, along with his underwear, and we're finally both naked.

He's shoving me down and I'm about to give in when we hear the door to the locker room closing and Taeyeon's calling out my name.

"What does she want?" Chanyeol asks, not as worried about being caught as he is annoyed that he's not getting a blowjob.

"I don't know." I whisper, watching the curtain getting darker as Taeyeon walks closer.

"Baekhyun, are you in here?" she called, her voice alarmingly close. "Who's in the shower?"

She's about to pull the curtain aside, which would have been bold because I'm sure invading someone else's privacy, being in a place you're not supposed to be in, isn't even something Kim Taeyeon can do, but Chanyeol shifts over, pulling the curtain aside, but only enough to peek out at her. "Just me." For a split second, all I can think about is how cute he sounded just then, almost innocent, like we weren't just about to have sex in a shower at school.

"Oh, Chanyeol, I'm sorry! I thought Baekhyun might be in here."

I listen to their exchange, thinking about how close she is to finding out. Chanyeol honestly isn't the best liar because of that obvious tell, but maybe she won't notice his ears are getting red and if she does, she couldn't possibly know that he's lying just by seeing that.

"He went home."

"I guess he did... but why are you showering here? You don't have practice today and the game's cancelled." And there she goes, being nosy and acting like everyone else's business is automatically her business.

"I just... felt dirty...?" I looked up from admiring his backside to see that his ears are, in fact, red. I know he's probably panicking, but there's nothing I can do to help him.

"Okay." She sounded content with the answer. "Sorry to bother you."

"It's fine."

A sigh of relief escaped my lips when I heard her footsteps getting farther away, but they suddenly stopped and my stomach dropped, afraid I'd been too loud and she'd recognized my voice. "Hey, Chanyeol?"

"Hmm?"

"Were you singing or something? I thought I heard voices." I could have fainted at her words.

Chanyeol struggled to find the words to reply for a second. "You heard me?"

"You weren't loud enough that I could make out the words, but I could hear your voice. What were you singing?" Honestly, she hadn't heard Chanyeol's voice, she'd heard mine, and our voices are extremely different in tone. She had to have known that. Kim Taeyeon is nothing if not perceptive. Hopefully, she really did think she'd heard Chanyeol, and she wasn't just suspicious.

"Uh, just something I made up." he lied, his ears burning. I wanted to laugh, to touch his ears, tease him, but that would give me away.

She didn't say anything else, so the conversation was over. Once we heard the locker room door close behind her, Chanyeol looked back at me.

"Why is she looking for you?" he asked lowly, probably still afraid she could hear. I just shook my head, not wanting to talk. "Do you think she really likes you? Like she wanted to spend time with you?"

I shrugged. "I doubt it, but I feel bad all the same. I hate lying and sneaking around, Chanyeol."

"So we've reached that point. You're done." You're done. He said it like I wanted it to be over.

I didn't say anything, didn't refute what he'd said, because ending it was what was best. Instead, I bent over and picked up my wet clothes and he did the same. He turned the shower off and we got out, putting on some extra dry clothes from our lockers, not speaking. I just wished he would tell me we didn't have to stop, that we didn't have to sneak around and lie anymore. I wanted him to say he wanted to keep seeing each other, that he wants me to break up with Taeyeon because he actually likes me and he doesn't care about what anyone else says. But he doesn't.

"Do you have feelings for her?" he blurted as we were walking out of the locker room. The halls were empty at this time of day, but his voice was still quiet.

"She's my girlfriend." I answered, trying to avoid actually giving an answer, not wanting to tell the truth but not wanting to lie.

I had no reason to like Taeyeon, but I felt the need to give her a chance. If I continue seeing Chanyeol behind her back, there was no way I'd ever want to get to know her, no way we could ever actually connect. Though I doubt I'll ever connect with anyone like I do with Chanyeol.

"That's not what I asked." he mumbled, not wanting to receive an answer as much as I didn't want to give one. "I can't say I won't miss you." he whispered, stopping at the end of the dark hallway.

I didn't answer, wanting to say I'd miss him, too, wanting to say everything that had been on my mind since we'd started this, but he hadn't given me enough to know he felt the same. "Chanyeol..."

He brought both of his hands down on my shoulders gently, only pressing down a little, a stark contrast from when Taeyeon did the same thing the day she strutted into the locker room. His big brown eyes searched my own and I felt my heart speed up, a blush rising in my cheeks. Again, I looked at his ears and the redness was unmistakable, which would mean he was feeling pressured, nervous. Maybe I'd been wrong to assume our relationship was simply platonic in his mind. Even so, it's not like he was telling me not to leave.

"Baekhyun, I hope—" His voice cracked before he could finish the sentence, making the flush in his ears spread to his cheeks, and it was so adorable. Thinking about what he was saying, I couldn't help but compare this to a breakup. But why did it feel this way? We weren't even really together, didn't even have feelings for each other, supposedly.

Then, he completely shattered whatever facade I'd managed to maintain by bring his lips down to meet mine. The heat in my face spread down my neck as my eyes fluttered closed, squeezing out a single tear. This kiss wasn't hungry or messy, it was simply sweet. That's what made it so much more painful, so much harder to bear. And it felt so right. It made my heart beat twice as fast, it made my legs weak, it made me feel so much tightness in my chest and I'm sure that's because there was so much love swelling up inside of me.

It was over just as quickly as it started. He broke away from me first, not hesitating to walk out into the downpour and to his car. I just stood there and watched him go, my brain a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. The one thing I kept focusing on during the turmoil was that feeling of warmth he'd brought me for just a minute.

He kissed me. Chanyeol kissed me.