Restless

Being Happy

I just really wanna be happy.

I don't think of myself as an unhappy person, but I find myself unhappy quite a bit lately.

I tiptoe through conversations at my house, and stupid arguments add another brick to the weight on my chest.

I just want to be free and happy. Not an extraordinary kinda happy.

I just wanna be content.

I don't wanna be so anxious all the time.

Because you see, I find myself thinking about how much I can't wait to be free from this house. I think of that more and more. Sometimes, that's what gets me through a dinner, or a conversation, or a day.

The thought of being free from the house, not the family members.

I love my family, but there are days when I am so ready to leave that I contemplate planning what I'll pack with me right now. Just to feel like it's somewhat in reach.

Some of my friends are nervous about college or going far from home.

I am not.

I know that I still love my family and that I'll return for visits.

I also know that I'll be happy with the space, the independence, the freedom.

No silly arguments. No walking around on my toes, scared of tripping an invisible wire.

Of course I'll be nervous about meeting new people and what my classes will be like and whether or not I'll find something I like to do in life. But, those are normal. I embrace those nervous jitters because everyone has them.

But, they won't keep me too close. They won't scare me into staying.

I will get out, and I will be free.

I will be happy.

I just hate feeling like I have to wait to be truly happy.