Restless

My Oh My

Well, it's Christmas, and you texted me.

My oh my.

It's been months, hasn't it? Yes, we've seen each other, but that's different than a private conversation for our eyes only.

I'm enjoying it too much.

Why does it make me so happy that you think my hair smells nice?

My oh my.

You're pulling me back in, but I don't really mind.

Why then did I lie to my mom when she asked who I was texting on a holiday?

I told her it was my friend that's fangirling about a book series. That's half true. She texted me earlier today.

I didn't have the guts to say that it was you. I guess that proves the wrong you've done me.

But, I want to be done with it all.

My oh my I want to be done with it.

I want to start fresh.

I don't want to think about the years spent crushing too heavily or that night at my friend's pool party. Do you remember that night?

I can still feel you right beside me, hugging me because you said it was "chilly."

Bullshit.

But then, I'm sure you remember the girlfriend you went and got in another state. A good couple of years were spent with her, but you never saw her again. She broke up with you through a text message. What did you really expect from a girl who's a year older than you in another state?

She's in college this year while you're finishing up high school.

I guess I'm now in your position, but if you asked, I would try.

I've waited so long. I couldn't not try.

But, my oh my.

If we continue as we always have and don't confront our feelings in a timely manner, I will.

And, since I'm a pathetic coward, I will wait until the last possible second.

My oh my.

Look what you've done.

My stomach's in knots, and you make me feel things I thought I had gotten over.

Fuck you.

I thought I was over you. I should be over you. But, now I guess I know that it had all been lies.

I hoped that I was over you, but clearly, I'm not and never will be.

My. Oh. My.