Restless

Authors and Editors

But I've just realized,

Isn't life one big story?

Each one of us would be the protagonist of our own story line, and sometimes they would intersect.

In some people's stories, we would be minor characters, maybe even nonexistent. In others though, we would be one of the most influential pieces in the puzzle. And we can decided how important of a role people play in our lives.

So, every little detail that we believe to be inconsequential, maybe they do matter. Perhaps we are unknowingly following a predetermined plot line.

I prefer to believe that I hold the pen to my own story. It may be recorded in permanent ink, but I would still be the one behind everything.

But then, there are things out of our control. No matter how much we try, we can't have complete control of our lives. So, I'm told that I can't be the author.

People say that you aren't the author, that something bigger than this world is in charge. That's what I was taught growing up.

But something changed. I don't believe that anymore. I'm unsure of what I believe at this point in time, but that's okay because I have an entire lifetime to figure it out.

So as much as people like to say that you aren't in control of your life, you are.

That's an excuse for people who don't get things done. Now, that sounds a little hypocritical coming from a sixteen year old girl who has yet to pursue her dreams, but I plan on getting things done.

You may not have complete control of your life. You can't help fate or God or nature or whatever you want to call it from stepping in and saying, "Alright, it's my turn now."

But, you get to decide what you do after it has made its move. It's sort of like a chess game I suppose, though I am not an avid chess player nor a very knowledgeable one. You have to calculate and plan; you have to observe what the other player does and try to end up on top. But, there are still moves that catch you off guard, things you didn't catch or prepare for despite your planning.

You still get the final word though. No matter what happens, you choose your own actions. You live your own life. Even if you get backed into a corner.

Maybe it's check mate, and there's no other move to be made. It's the end. You know it. The other player knows it. Everyone knows it.

But, you decide whether you shove the board off of the table and throw a fit about it or whether you take the loss with grace and say with sincere politeness, "Good game."

So, no mater what the sayings may say, I am the author to my own story, to my own life. What I've come up with so far is that, while I am the author, an editor reviews what I've written. No matter how much hard work and effort I put in, my plans are somtimes scrapped and tossed out, and it's beyond my control to have it my way.

The trick is, quite simply, to deal with it, not mope about.

Keep writing and improvising and working with whatever is thrown your way. Adding new characters along the way and losing some too. Dealing with unforeseen plot twists and solving conflicts that you could've never imagined.

Because whether you give up on writing your story because it's "too hard" or whether you stick with it until the bitter end, there will come a time when you won't be given more time to write. The editor will swoop in and take whatever has been compiled together in the time that you've been given. You can either feel proud of what is recorded or regretful. Choose pride. Choose fond nostalgia. Choose peace.

No use in crying over past pages when there are so many more chapters still to be written. You have a pen, now start writing. If you don't take charge of your own story, then it truly will be left in the editor's hands.

But then, is it even your story anymore?