Pathetically Mute isn't the truth [ON HOLD]

XVI

DAY 1

5:08 AM

  DRIVING HOME WAS DIFFICULT.

  I could barely keep my eyes open, and my mind would be bombarded with questions, anxiety fills my nerves, and yet my body feels numb with exhaustion. Today all I want to do is sleep. Sleep in my bed and only wake up when all the stress has passed. I don't remember the last time I slept well for, what, since Case White Cell? I think that hell popped up a few months ago.

  I'm driving on the freeway with no one on the road with me. I could just close my eyes for just a second, just one second. Putting my car on the same speed, I close my eyes with my hands on the wheels. I feel like I could stop myself, keep my eyes open and wait till I'm home, but every fiber of my body is shutting down, wanting sleep.

  I'm just resting my eyes...

  Closing my eyes for just a second...

  Just a second...

  Just a...

  Second.

  "You know, you cry a lot. Don't you run out of tears?" The girl with blonde curls walked ahead of me at this familiar alleyway. I wanted to leave, not wanting to be out here with her. I would rather be home, reading Tanner's messages.
  I shake my head and she turns around, looking at me with masked eyes. She never smiles, because she always has such a straight face. Nothing shows in her expression, whereas I quiver whenever I'm spoken too and avert eyes of everyone.
  She huffs and puts a hand on her sun dress that seems to change color every time I look at it, as she looks down at me with a raised eyebrow, she says angrily "You know, you're humongously"- something changes in her voice, it becomes deeper, distorted, like a glitch- "pathetic."
  Her voice echoes throughout my brain, but it's not her voice, it's the man's whisper, and a sinister woman's laugh. I see a gun at my face, and I am suddenly watching Quentin smile at me, holding my hips. He whispers in my ear something, I look at him and I ask him "what did you say?" He leans in again. Me feeling his touch, feeling his love from our drunken night in one movement makes me feel lust. Then his voice breathes out, yet it doesn't sound like his smiles, his chuckles. It sounds sad, and I want to kiss the sadness away. His voice brings sadness to my eyes as he says, "please, don't let her kill me."

  I jolt awake, sitting up so fast I end up tumbling out of my bed to my floor. I lay there groaning from the pain, then stop. Bed. Bed? My bed?

  I once again get up too fast, and with the socks I'm supposedly wearing, I slip. With a yelp, I land on the floor again. I sit up and rub my head. Pain aches all over my body. After just sitting there trying to settle down the pain, I look around and see the time, it's 10:56 AM. I guess as I closed my eyes five hours ago, I just was ripped from reality, walking into my home like normal, maybe? That's outrageous. Too outrageous. I sigh and my head starts to pound.

  On the floor of my bedroom, I stay sitting on my wood floor. I hold my head in my hands to stop the pounding. I guess I remember a dream of sorts, but just the part where Quentin whispered something to me. What did he whisper? I grow frustrated as I wrack my brain to make sense of any of the recent events from the past five hours. What the hell happened?!

  I stand, being careful to not slip and kick my foot to my dresser to take out the anger. I hear a painful crunch in my toes. I scream and jump on one foot, nursing my toes in my hands, cursing out loud all the profanities. I jump balancing on one foot, and once again and slip from under my foot with my socks on, falling backwards onto the floor. I bring down a few files on my dresser as I try to find something to latch onto. To no avail, I lay on my floor, staring at the ceiling of my apartment. The window bringing in a hot breeze. Files lay upon and around me.