Dark Country (Detective Loki from Prisoners Fan Fiction)

Part XIII: Terminus

"What?!" I exclaimed. "What do you mean?" I was wide awake now that he had my full attention.

He sat still for a moment, and remained exasperatingly quiet. I desperately waited for him to say something, anything.

"David, what are you saying?" I asked again.

"This … this was a mistake," he said. He ran his hands through his hair, and I couldn't help but notice his trembling leg, all surefire signs of his discomfort and anxiety. "Me moving in … just a terrible mistake. Sorry." He stood up, and treaded out of the room, leaving me behind and speechless. This couldn't stay like this.

"Wait a minute," I said rushing after him. "Would you please tell me what's going on?"

Stopping dead in his tracks, he turned around to face me. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, don't get me wrong. But, I'm not ready for this. And, frankly, I don't know if I'll ever be."

"Are you breaking up with me?" A million thoughts were circling in my head as to why he would want something so beautiful to end. Was this some terrible nightmare?

Emptiness was all I saw in him from his joyless and desolate expression. He never understood that he didn't have to try so hard - that I was fine with it all exactly the way it was. "I didn't want this to end, believe me, but I can never be what you want me to be. I have to go," he said with somewhat watery eyes.

He started to walk away again, but I managed to stop him by inserting myself directly in his path. "But I didn't expect you to be anything, David. You're wrong there."

"You'll never understand," he said. There was a void in his eyes, and I could tell he was carefully choosing his words. If only I could feel whatever it was he felt and that drove him to this nonsensical decision. "I'll pick up my things later, but I have to head back to work." He kept charging ahead towards the front door, but was able to hold him back him with my hands by laying them on his chest.

"I'm not letting you go unless you explain why you're doing this."

Annoyed, he tsk-tsked and rolled his eyes. "Get out of the way."

"No." I firmly stood in place. He couldn't leave just like that, as if nothing mattered.

"Please, Emma."

I crossed my arms and nodded no. I could be stubborn, too.

In an uncalled-for move, he gently grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed me aside. I couldn't fight him back as he proved too strong, and before I could stop him he was already out the door. "David!" I shouted out as I briskly ran outside.

"I'll be back for my things," he called out from his car. Then he quickly backed out of the driveway and drove away.

"Damn it!" I yelled in frustration while I watched his car make a turn down the road. I couldn't believe this was happening. Why did he do this? And he went about it in such a cold-blooded way. I kept wondering whether it was something I did, but I couldn't think of anything. Haven't I been nothing but supportive?

I didn't realize that I was still standing in the porch until I felt something soft brush my legs. It was Ron. "Did you see that? He just walked out." Ron simple meowed back as if demanding his food. Oh great, I'm talking to the cat.

I stepped back inside the once again empty house, a brutal reminder that I was already missing David. Maybe I was in denial, but I held steadfast to the belief that he would return in a matter of minutes. He'd apologize and say that it was only a lack of judgment. And then we could happily move on and forget this ever happened.

Yet, I went about my day without any kind of sign from him. When I got home from work I couldn't help but stare at the things he left behind. The sadness brought on by the apparent loss chewed away at me at an excruciatingly slow pace, making everything feel all the more worse. The truth was that I was still wading in disbelief as I held onto the small ray of hope that we would talk and perhaps clarify everything once he came back.

Again, and ironically just like the night before, I waited up for him. It was almost half past 10 when I saw the white light of headlights and heard the tires of a car pulling in. My breathing became erratic from my nervousness as I heard his footsteps approaching the door.

"Hey," he said after he let himself in. There was an inevitable hint of incertitude in his voice.

I didn't know what to say immediately. It wasn't like I could act normal now. I had been in this place before, and the pain I felt then and even now still rendered me speechless. If anything, I felt like an idiot for trusting again. I recalled a close friend once telling me, "Once burned, twice shy."

David stood in front of me as if expecting me to greet him back. Seeing that I didn't, he quietly said, "I'll go get my stuff."

"Don't …," I said before the words trailed off. I paused again and wondered whether I should express how I really felt. How could I not, though? "You're cruel."

He watched me with a blank stare. For a while I thought what I just said didn't phase him, either that or it hadn't sunk in yet. "I mean, is that something you do? Erase people from your life?" I continued to say.

"That's not what I'm doing here," he replied. "You're better off without me. You'll understand that in time."

"Oh, yeah?" I said in my most sarcastic tone. "Then please explain yourself because you being cryptic isn't helping me."

"Do you think I like hurting you? See, this is why I should have never got involved …" He started pacing around the room, and his blinking was out of control. Finally he stopped and went on to say, "You don't know half of what I've been through. You can't imagine what it was really like. I've seen things that no one should ever see, and I was just a kid. I've fucked up … more than once. And now I'm here and still can't be like everyone else, okay? You don't need this. You deserve better."

What? So it's back to this again? "I already knew what I was getting into when I invited you into my life," I said. "We all have our issues, David. What makes you think you're the only one?"

"Tell me, have you ever met anyone who's had a life like mines? With the problems I've had, and continue to have?"

It dawned on me where he was going with this. Despite that I've told him I would support him, he must be thinking that I couldn't handle it. "I can't help you if you won't let me. And I've already told you that I didn't care about that. If I did, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

He squinted his eyes while pacing around again, and balled his fists in disappointment. "I was close to using again. I actually wanted to. So close …"

"Well, you never told me. How was I supposed to know?"

"Yeah, and have you thinking I'm some sort of loser or something?"

"I don't think that …"

"I'll just end up complicating your life in the worst possible way. It's best if I stay away." As he said this he headed to the bedroom where his clothes were placed.

"I want all of it, David. Complications or not. Just stay," I implored as I followed in his footsteps.

"What if I start using again? The temptation is there in my face all the time, and it's hard to stop once you start. I can't do that to you."

"Then let me help you. We can fight this together." It seemed that he wasn't paying much attention since he continued to pack his clothes. A fit of rage overcame me, and I grabbed the clothes he held in his hands and threw them on the floor. "Stop! You're not even listening to me."

It got so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. He gaped at me with widened eyes from the shock of my violent reaction. When he finally did speak again, he said with a single-minded resolution, "It's over, Emma. We're done."