ALL I ASK

say

005.

[ 11:11 pm, 11/09/16]
PLAY RECORDING?

YES NO

you really wanted children. i remember you watching your relatives with all their kids, and your face lighting up everytime your eyes fell on them. you never even told me, but i just knew. i'm sorry i didn't give any to you.

would you have been more happy with me if i did? if so, i'd give you as many as possible. i'd want you to be as happy as possible.

i want a girl first. i want her to look more like you than me and i want her to have your hair and your smile. i want her to be as headstrong as you, i want her to be as selfless as you, and i want her to shine as much as you do, when the summer sun falls upon your skin. i know she will.

the thought of that makes me extremely afraid, because what if i'm never the dad she would want me to be? the dad you would want me to be? maybe that's why i held off for so long, my unbreakable fear that i would never be enough.

fear held me back from so many things, and i'm taking the consequences for it. fear made me second guess myself, fear took you away from me.

all i ask is that i can get something back in return, something even fear itself would regret taking away.
i ask that fear sees it's mistake in letting me push you away. i'd beg at it's knees if possible.

there's a myth you loved talking about, that the time 11:11 would grant your most wanted wish. the thing you desired the most, and if your heart aligned with your mind, for just once. it would work, and you would be happy with whatever the outcome may be.

so i'm telling you as you listen, there is nothing more i could ever wish for than to hold your hand one more fucking time.

nothing at all.

[ VOICE MESSAGE FINISHED. ]
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